


Stand By Me

by flyingfreely94



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bottom Minseok, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-05-30 00:32:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6400321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingfreely94/pseuds/flyingfreely94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Featured famous!minseok, fanboy!luhan + ludyguard.</p><p>When Minseok applied for this strange new job as a gravure idol, he didn't expect to be this famous, and most importantly, to have a personal bodyguard who sometimes can be too protective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The new job.

Minseok ignores the gurgling sound coming from his empty stomach and tries his best to concentrate on the article he's been working on, but it's hard when all he had for today were just two sandwiches and a small slice of pizza. No he's not on diet. He's just broke and there are still two weeks left until his payday comes, then he'll probably survive another three weeks, or maybe four if he's lucky, before being completely broke again.

He knows too well the pay is not enough for his living, even as a single adult with no partner or pet, but the job he's having now is the best he could ask for: a freelance translator, working from home most of the time, the only interaction he has are either talking on the phone with his editor or going grocery shopping. For a person with diagnosed social anxiety, it's not his place to ask for a better, well-paid job when he can't even hold a normal conversation longer than fifteen minutes, as one can say "beggars can't choose". He had tried several jobs, even worked at an advertising company for roughly three months just to be bullied by heartless co-workers and verbally abused by selfish bosses. When he decided that big company and competitive environment was not for him, Minseok found a job at an Italian restaurant, a bookstore and finally a coffee shop before realizing that unless his anxiety gets treated properly, he can't have a job that constantly requires social interaction. Even though just that one time at the restaurant he suddenly had a panic attack, all the other jobs just tired him out and at the end of the day, he felt so worn out as if the he'd been climbing mountains all day. Talking and socializing is tiresome and stressful and before Minseok knew it, guests and co-workers started making comments about his attitude. At the end, he had no other choice but to write a resignation letter.

Minseok was unemployed for a long time before getting hired by this publishing house and started working as a freelancer. But since his boss is not really pleased with his excuse for not coming to work "What did you mean you can't come to work at least once? I've never hired an employee what can only work from home", he just can't ask for a raise. Promotion, of course, is forever out of question. Not to mention there are tons of times Minseok got a call in the middle of the night, or just three or four in the morning, telling him to change a few words on his translated article as soon as possible. "They're going to be printed out this morning, you better hurry up". As usual, he didn't forget to complain and all he got was always "I thought you said you're a freelancer? Do freelancers have working hours?" He knows he's being taken advantage of, but again who he is to complain when he can't even switch job. This low-paid, dead-end job is all he can get.

Minseok continues working on his assigned articles for a couple more hours before his phone screen lightens up, signals him there's a new message. Unlocking the phone, Minseok squints his eyes at the bright screen while reading what Kyungsoo sent to him.

10 am today at the usual coffee shop. Don't forget!!

Minseok widens his eyes. He can't believe he almost forgets this important date. It's been awhile since he met his close friend from college and being a person with anxiety, one can guess he doesn't have many friends. Kyungsoo is one of the very few best friends he manages to have, despite his extreme lack of social skill, and disappointing Kyungsoo is the last thing Minseok wants to do.

He quickly closes his laptop and hurriedly gets ready for the meet up. So many things have happened since the last time they saw each other, Minseok just can't wait to talk about his several attempts to have a normal job and what he unfortunately ended up with. He also wonders if Kyungsoo has been doing well, if he finally signs with a recording company to become an R&B singer like what he wished for.

\---

"My ex started a porno company and I'm working as a porn star now." is the reality. Kyungsoo shrugs as he gives Minseok a glimpse at what he's been doing. It's nothing like Minseok has imagined and he has to hold himself back before blurting out "So what does working for your ex feel like?” But he has a feeling it'll be inappropriate to ask so Minseok just replies with a simple: "But why did you end up with that?"

"Don't look at me like that! I only do soft porn though." Feels like Minseok is giving him questionable look, Kyungsoo quickly adds, and then he continues.

"You remember how strangely popular we are with boys, or gay boys, back in college? I just take advantage of that and besides, graduating with a music degree doesn't help and there are months I only had junk food and ramen as meals. I don't want to go back to those days and not to mention as compared to other porno companies, Jongin's company is pretty decent"

Now Minseok realizes that it's not only him who's been having a bad luck with job hunting. No one told him it’d be this tough being an independent adult. He still has many things he wants to ask Kyungsoo, all revolving around the reason why he chose that job, but at the same time Minseok has a feeling he shouldn't push it further. He used to feel so relieved when Kyungsoo just accepted that he had anxiety and didn't ask why or when he had it. This time, he just wants to do Kyungsoo the same favor. After all, being a porn star is not the same as working as a barista or being a waiter. Even though Kyungsoo said he used to have a hard time making ends meet, Minseok has a feeling he must have other reasons, reasons that he's sure Kyungsoo doesn't want to talk about.

At the end, Minseok decides to not ask any further.

"How decent?"

"I've been working for half a year and there's not even a single time I'm pressured to do any other genres beside soft porn, even though the fans want me to. Moreover, if my partner is being too rough or not treating me well, I can always ask for another one. You know, it's hard to find a company that cares for their employees this much nowadays, and I'm talking about porno industry of course" 

" I can't imagine how it's like to live or work as a porn star, but I'm happy that you've been doing well even though you chose that job. As you already knew, I guess I'm just stuck with this awful job forever" Minseok sighs for a nth time today.

Kyungsoo just stares at him intensely for a while, then he speaks.

"You know, Jongin's company has been considering male gravure idols. They have a lot of female idols already but gay male audiences aren't always satisfied with just porn movies, they need their gravure idols too. So far I don't know any other company who does this but if Jongin decides to hire a male gravure idol, I think it'll be a daring step but totally worth it. Never underestimate the gay audiences." Kyungsoo sips his coffee after talking like a businessman.

"Why are you telling me all these things? And what's a gravure idol?" Minseok raises his eyebrow.

"Don't you get it? I'm offering a job for you! I know you never agree to be a porn star but being a gravure idol may help you a lot. It's almost as same as being a model; the only difference is that it's marketed toward single men and the photos sometimes can get a little provocative. But if you don't like being naked, you can just stick with an innocent image. It'll be fine. I'm sure with that cute little face gay men will love you anyway."

Minseok is at lost for words, he doesn't expect Kyungsoo to suggest him this kind of job. His friend talked about 'being kind of like a model' and he has to stop himself from asking back "Are you being serious? Me? A model?" Out of all things he can never imagine himself as a model, or a 'gravure idol' who can sell his look or his body. And besides, it's a porno company Kyungsoo is talking about, who knows what they may want Minseok to do if he signs their contracts?

"Are you sure being a gravure idol don't involve sex?" Minseok timidly asks after a long pause.

"You can google gravure idols yourself to know what kind of jobs they do but yes, it won't involve sex, otherwise they'll be called porn stars instead of idols." Kyungsoo stops for a second before continuing "But some videos or photographs can be a little revealing, other than that it's not any different from being a model. In case you're famous, the company will promote you as an idol, with public image, fan meeting, fan clubs, merchandises, things like that, and that that point you'll have a chance to know how being rich feels like."

"You know what, right now I'm not in a place to be picky about jobs and if it pays well and is "not any different from models" then I'm all in. But are you sure they're willing to hire me? With this look?" Minseok points at himself questionably "And not to mention, my anxiety too..." Minseok's voice drops when he suddenly remembers his condition.

"No problem! I saw a gravure idol on her set before and as far as I remember, you just have to pose well, be used to multiple cameras being pointed at you, other than that, you won't have to interact with anyone other than the team who'll work with you. Not to mention this job is pretty new and you'll probably be the first male gravure idol ever, so Jongin must be the one who can't be picky right now. I know this may sound too strange for you so just think carefully and if you agree, call me and I'll tell you how to apply for it." Kyungsoo smiles softly at him.

"Thank you so much Kyungsoo, if this job is like what you said and also pays well, you don't know how much you've helped me." Minseok looks at Kyungsoo as if he just saves his life. It's pretty much the same anyway.

"What friends are for huh? By the way, you still haven’t gone to any psychiatrist? Don't tell me you want to live with that anxiety for the rest of your life?" Kyungsoo is one of the very few people who never tell him to "get over it" or pressure him to see a psychologist. He knows why Minseok doesn't want to but still frequently mentions it, as if Kyungsoo hopes he'll change his mind someday.

"You know why I didn't come, even if my anxiety is completely gone, it'll be forever on my medical record, and who in their right mind will hire a person with diagnosed social anxiety, who knows if he or she is fully treated. Besides, the cost for medicines and counseling is too high for a new graduate and I'm just too poor to even think about it" Minseok lets out a huge sigh, he still hasn't paid his rent for this month yet.

"But if you aren't treated then there will be zero chance you can get a job. Now I have a plan for you, get that job as a gravure idol and if you become famous, you can't imagine how much money you can earn. After that, start saving up and when the time comes, resign and open a coffee shop like what you always dream about, how does that sound to you?" Kyungsoo smirks. He knows how much Minseok loves the future he mentions.

"Better be said than done Kyungsoo. And beside who can guarantee that Jongin will hire me? I'm not like those good looking boys who can earn money by just standing still!"

"You can and the audiences will love you, trust me." Kyungsoo says as he slowly lifts Minseok's chin with his fingertips.

"Hey what are you doing?" Minseok never gets so close with anyone like this before and Kyungsoo's intimate gesture makes him blush hard.

"Examining your pretty face" Kyungsoo says as he laughed teasingly. Gosh he just loves how shy and easily embarrassed Minseok is.

And he knows for sure the gay audiences will love it as well.

\---

It doesn't take long for Minseok to finally decide he needs to accept this job offer, since the landlord keeps reminding him to 'pay the rent on time', and since his editor has been nothing but an asshole to him. Day five after his meet up with Kyungsoo, Minseok's stomach still grumbles angrily, demanding the food that he can't afford to buy if he wants to survive till the end of the month. Day five after his discussion with Kyungsoo and his promise "I'll think about it", his editor still calls him so early in the morning, just because he's a freelancer and is expected to be available 24/7, even on weekends. Day five after Kyungsoo gave him so much hope when he mentioned his dream of being a coffee shop owner; he's still as poor as ever, has a shitty job with a pay so low it can barely cover his rent and expenses, and a tiny apartment that heavy rain can sometimes leak through its ceiling.

Minseok knows he has no other choice but to accept that offer. He made a little research and found out that gravure idols can sometimes have to be naked and their private parts are always filmed closely, hence why Kyungsoo said, "sometimes it can be provocative". And Minseok is not even sure if he can pull off a sexy vibe or pose sexily, like those idols he watched on the internet, but Kyungsoo assured him Jongin is desperately in need for any candidate and he has a cute face. He's also not so sure about the cute part but if Minseok doesn’t take this once in awhile chance, he'll regret it forever.

With that decision in mind, Minseok dials Kyungsoo's number and holds his breathe when Kyungsoo finally picks up the call.

"Kyungsoo ah... I think I'll do it, I'll apply as a gravure idol."

\---

The company is much larger and looks more professional than he thought. Since Jongin is a student who just graduated from college with a major in business, Minseok didn't expect his company to be this well known. He even imagined it as a small office with several employees and a few actors or actresses, turns out Minseok was so wrong.

As he and Kyungsoo step in the elevator and Kyungsoo, after pondering for a while, presses the "9" button, he then turns to Minseok and speaks with a small smile on his lips.

"I'm sure you're surprised that Jongin's company is this big for just a man who's fresh out of college like him, but that kid is smart and his family is no joke. He's the first man who thinks about bringing the 'gravure idols' concept into Korea and his company is famous for treating porn stars well, much better than any other famous companies to be honest. In other companies, there's no such thing as "porn star's consent", you star in any kind of porno they want, otherwise no payment for you."

Kyungsoo laughs to himself as if he just remembers something funny, and then continues speaking with an amused voice.

"You know what that kid told me when I said he was too reckless? He said "If I want to be successful I just can't follow other people's footsteps, doing exactly what they have been doing. What they thought can't bring them profit will bring me profit, because my company will have what they lack of and I'll stand out more." At first I can't help but laugh at his face because who this kid thinks he is, but you know, turns out I can't underestimate him."

Kyungsoo ends the story with a faint smile lingering on his lips. Minseok can't help but wonders if Kyungsoo still has feelings for that man.

"Why did you guys break up?" He finally asks.

"Long story but to summarize it for you: he's a brat and I hate his family"

"What a detailed answer you gave me" Minseok sarcastically replies. Still he doesn't expect Kyungsoo to tell him the full story, his friend loves keeping certain things to himself.

\---

The room Kyungsoo leads him to is located on the far end of the hallway. When they step in, there's already a man sitting there, face looking down as his gaze focuses on a pile of papers lying on top of the desk. Kyungsoo clears his throat to signal the man they have arrived.

"Oh Kyungsoo and ... You must be Minseok right? Nice to meet you! My name is Chanyeol and I'm in charge of interviewing candidates who apply to be gravure idols. Our interview will begin shortly and you can sit here."

Chanyeol offers him a wide smile and starts arranging the papers in order to prepare for the interview. Suddenly Kyungsoo walks over to where he's standing and whispers something into his ears. After a few exchange of words, Chanyeol starts putting away some of the papers before excitedly telling him: "It seems like you meet all of our requirements so congratulation, you've been hired!"

Is this a joke?

Minseok feels like his jaw is probably dropped as he just stares at both of them in disbelief, eyes wide and face full of question. What did he say? He's never been hired this fast before and they don't even interview him!

"I know you must have a lot of questions but trust us, we know what we did and you're the most suitable person for this job. So in order to begin you can start reading the contract papers here, you can bring them home if you want to. Just remember to sign and turn them in, along with other paperwork that is listed here, before 12pm tomorrow. After that, I can introduce you to the director and the team who will be working with you to film your debut movie. You can discuss the schedule and everything else with them later. Is that clear with you? Do you have any question?" Chanyeol talks so fast that Minseok has a hard time catching up with all the new information. He mutters to himself, repeating what the man said in order to not forget, before smiling at Chanyeol: "Thank you! I'll read those papers carefully and turn them in on time."

"Good! I'm looking forward to working with you." Chanyeol flashes his white-toothed smile at Minseok before turning to Kyungsoo.

"Why didn't you tell me Jongin had chosen him when we talked on the phone? It would save me a lot of time" He exclaims.

"I forgot, sorry." Kyungsoo smiles apologetically "By the way, tell that brat he just owns me a huge favor." He beams.

"You're talking as if this man is already big, he hasn't even signed the contracts yet." Chanyeol teases.

"You'll see." Kyungsoo just replies shortly with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Minseok just raises his eyebrows at both of them. He's not sure why Kyungsoo is so confident about that while Minseok is probably the most normal man you've ever met. Sure Kyungsoo and he used to be oddly famous among boys and he even received some love letters from them, but it doesn't mean he can please the audiences. He just hopes that Jongin won't regret this later.

\---

Seems like it's not only Kyungsoo and Jongin who think he has huge potential.

Baekhyun, the director who will be in charge of his very first movie, runs his eyes over Minseok's body, tongue occasionally darts out to lick his lips. He looks at Minseok like he's a delicious meal ready to be served and it makes Minseok blushes hard, ears and face burnt up because of the director's intense gaze. His head hangs low as he stares at the floor beneath his feet, trying to avoid the eyes that just seem to bore right through him. He sweats nervously, fingers fidget in anxiety and his mouth goes dry. Baekhyun seems to notice his discomfort when he suddenly speaks after staring for too long.

"Sorry Minseok, I got a little distracted" He awkwardly scratches his head "I heard Kyungsoo said that you have anxiety and can't handle attention, sorry a lot"

"That... that's okay" Minseok shyly replies, head still hanging low as he doesn't have the gut to look at Baekhyun in the eyes. The man just makes him feel so self-conscious and he just wants to dig a hole and hide there forever.

"I'm extremely sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but as a director I have to observe your features carefully so that the movies I'll make will emphasize your attractiveness. And I guess Jongin just made a perfect choice hiring you." Baekhyun stares at Minseok's lips longingly before continuing "I don't expect we can film much on the first day, so today your job is getting used to the cameras and being relax. Tomorrow you have to come at this hour and we'll officially begin filming."

"Thank you. I'll try my best." Minseok says, still blushing at Baekhyun's comment about him.

Today's filming takes place at a bathroom and Minseok is clad in oversized white shirt that falls mid-thigh and a small black boxer. Baekhyun's words: "Normally you have to be half naked but I guess white drenched shirt is sexier, and you may be not comfortable enough to shed your clothes off." It seems like the director already reads his mind because Minseok just awkwardly stands beside the bathtub, contemplating whether or not he should step in.

"Just relax, be yourself." Baekhyun encourages him.

Even though there are only two cameramen and a director, Minseok still feels extremely self-conscious having to get soaked in front of them. "Relax, you've faced much worse, and he said today is not the official filming day, just take it easy." Minseok reassures himself before slowly immersing in the bathtub. The water is warm and comforting so somehow it loosens up his tight muscles and calms him down a bit. He plays with the water for a while, trying to be relax even though he knows his facial muscles still tense up.

"He looks stiff" One of the cameramen makes a comment.

Baekhyun stands still, eyebrows furrowed as if he's thinking about something. Then his face lights up as he tells the cameramen: "Try to focus on his expression and make sure to film my hands only". Without any more explanations, Baekhyun quickly walks over to where Minseok is lying at and quietly whispers into his ears: "I'm going to touch you a little bit, don't be panic okay?" Before Minseok even has time to acknowledge what's going on, Baekhyun's long fingers already hover above his neck, gently touch the creamy soft skin underneath. His fingers move slowly from Minseok's lithe neck to his chubby cheek and then stop at his pink pouty lips. The lips feel so supple and soft Baekhyun's fingers can't help but caress them till they turn all red and puffy.

Minseok's reactions are priceless.

Because he's not used to being touched this intimately, Minseok feels like all his nerves are on fire. He suddenly becomes overly sensitive, every feathery touch can draw out a small whimper from Minseok. His face flushes red and there's panic in his eyes when he tries to escape those fingers. Then Baekhyun's hands suddenly move lower, his fingers trace in a circular motion around Minseok's nipples before lightly rubbing them. When the nipples already turn all hard and perky, the director decides to give them a few hard pinches, pressing the nips more firmly, earning more whines and soft moans from Minseok's cute little mouth.

"Stop...ah... please don't do this".

This is like the last straw for Minseok, as he pleads with panicking eyes full of tears. Chest heaving up and down, lips red and hair tangled, Minseok looks like a hot mess.

"Cut!"

Feels like this is already enough for today, Baekhyun yells out, finally retrieves his hand.

After signaling the cameramen to stop filming, he then turns to Minseok with a huge grin on his face: "Excellent job Minseok! I guess we can use today's footage for the movie." Facing Baekhyun are two huge eyes full of disbelief, the director just laughs "You've done good, see you tomorrow" before telling the staff to help Minseok change his clothes.

"Director, that was so hot" One of the cameramen utters while rewatching what he just filmed.

"And the best thing is he didn't even fake it, all real" Baekhyun smirks "Seems like Jongin just found a gem"

That helpless face, those cute little whimpers that beg to stop but only make men want to do all kinds of dirty things to him, he's sure once the movie is out, the male audiences will go crazy over Minseok.


	2. Xiukitty

Baekhyun's prediction can't be more accurate.

Within a short time working at the company, Minseok, or Xiumin which is his stage name, has quickly gained fame as his debut movie became a hit. His name is mentioned on all the gay forums, hundreds of topics were created just so gay men can express their wildest fantasies about him. His DVDs are instantly sold out at all video stores and audiences from all over the places are demanding the next movie. When told about his rapid fame, Minseok just shakes his head in disbelief. They said his monolid cat-like eyes are cute, his voice is soft and melodic, his supple lips are sexy and 'beg to be kissed over and over", they even love how soft-spoken and easily embarrassed he is. "It adds up to your virginal image." is what Baekhyun told him.

The first movie mainly focuses on introducing him to the audiences with him playing at the beach, drenched wet in the bathtub or rolling around on a king-sized bed. Despite his first day at work that turned out to be super awkward, he has slowly gotten used to the presence of the cameramen and Baekhyun. On his fourth day of working with the crew, he finally got over his reserved self as his smile looked more natural and relaxed, he even laughed a bit. Even though Minseok feels like he's not doing a good job at all, Baekhyun always assures him "As of now your image is innocent shy boy, so just be yourself and let us handle the job." Minseok just nods quietly, letting the makeup artist does wonder on his face.

Three weeks later, his second movie is under filming stage and this time he will cosplay as a kitty cat, wearing cat headbands, furry gloves and sexy maid outfits. His job also gets tougher because not only does he have to wear revealing clothes, Baekhyun also has a new mission for him: "posing like a naughty cat.” At first there were too many NGs he felt like this could be the last movie he had, but Baekhyun was exceptionally patient with him. The director even asked another gravure idol to share him some posing tips. After four days of trials and failures, several useable footages were finally filmed. Unfortunately, this is not the end for Minseok.

"In the next act you have to lick this dildo looking lollipop, try to not only lick but also give it a show." Baekhyun talks like it's the easiest thing in the world.

"But... how can I do it?"

"You know, acting like it's the most delicious lollipop in the world, shoving the whole thing into your mouth at once, or you can google 'blowjob tips' and try to follow the steps. But I think it'll be easier if you just imagine it as the most yummy candy you've ever had" Baekhyun shrugs.

"Thank you director. I'll... try my best I guess" Minseok's face fells. This is not simply eating a lollipop; it's acting out a blowjob scene while you have Minseok - as virginal as he can be.

At the end, he decides to call Kyungsoo for help.

"Have you ever had a crush on someone, or just had wet dream about a hot guy?"

Out of all things, Minseok doesn't expect Kyungsoo to ask him this. He has no idea why it's related to giving head but still answers anyway.

"I used to have a crush on this guy during high school and it lasted for a while"

"Do you still have feelings for him? Or if he appears in front of you right now and ask you for a one night stand, you'll still happily accept?" Kyungsoo's face lights up.

"I... I guess. He's pretty hot though" Minseok's face blushes when suddenly the image of his crush winking and asking him out appears out of nowhere.

"Okay good then here's my tip, imagine how you'll give him a head if he asks to. I mean you can look pretty clumsy because no one expects you to blow like a pro, but you have to act like you're really into it and that's all that matters. Because I know it'll take you forever to master the art of giving head."

Minseok can't believe what his best friend just told him to do. "If that guy knows someday his hot body will be used for this, he definitely won't forgive me" He bitterly thinks.

"Even though I don't think I can think of him that way, but I'll try. Actually I'll try anything right now as long as it helps me." The gravure idol lets out a huge sigh.

\---

Day of filming the scene.

Minseok is clad in a tight boxer and a wife beater that's too big for him. As a result, one of its sleeves just casually falls off his shoulder and according to Baekhyun "it's sexy that way." He also wears a cat headband; a fake tail and little cat paw print gloves. From afar, Minseok looks like a pretty petite catboy that every single gay man on earth would love to have as his pet.

Lucky for them, this kitty also loves lollipop. Not normal lollipop, dildo looking ones, those that have the perfect shapes and sizes of actual cocks.

Minseok is sitting in the middle of the room, legs spread wide, hands starting to unwrap the lollipop, tongue darting out to wet his lips nervously. He's trying to remember the time his crush looked like he just came straight from a magazine with his hair pushed back, toned body drenched wet under the sun. It's been a long time and his memory about the boy has faded a lot, but he just can't forget the moment he fell in love with said boy, the moment Minseok realized he wasn't as straight as he thought.

1...2...3 Action!

Baekhyun yells out. Minseok closes his eyes to concentrate on the half-naked image of his crush, how breathtakingly good-looking he was, how the man occasionally appeared in his dream every once in awhile, how he sometimes wished to have a taste of those sinful red lips. "Think about how you'll please the guy if you guys end up having sex, how pretty his moan is when you bob and suck his dick like no porn star's business" Kyungsoo's words ring in his ears.

Minseok takes the lollipop very gently into both of his hands, places all ten tiny fingers on the shaft, not touching the head or the tip yet. Then he slowly begins rubbing the candy by moving his hands back and forth in opposite directions, like twirling a stick in his hands to start a campfire. As he continues these finger-stroking movements, Minseok breathes in deeply, tries to relax his jaw before slowly licking the candy. He lightly brushes the lollipop and circles its head with the tip of his tongue, not forgetting to give it small kisses here and there. After being done with all the teasing, he puts one hand around the bottom of the shaft while bringing his luscious lips over its head, slightly rolling his pink tongue over the candy.

A few seconds pass before Minseok decides it's time to do the bobbing thing. He nips the tip gently before going open-mouth and deep over the whole lollipop without touching any part of it. When the entire head is already inside his mouth, he slowly closes his pink juicy lips over it, starting to suck softly. Kyungsoo's advice never leaves his mind: "Remember to utilize every area of your mouth. Make sure that your tongue; the inner sides of your cheek and your mouth’s root all have direct contact with the dic-candy I mean."

After continuing this touching technique for a few minutes, Minseok begins to suck hard but teasingly slow all the way up, making a couple short slurping passes over the tip. Eyes never leave the cameras, he wants to make sure his posture is explicit enough that the audiences' imagination will go wild; that they'll believe it's not simply a lollipop he's been sucking enthusiastically on. Minseok repeats the whole process several times before an light bulb appears above his head and this time, he decides to be a little creative.

Mouth still bobbing the shaft up and down, Minseok makes a hand gesture motioning Baekhyun to walk over. When the director and one of the cameramen already stand in front of him, he quickly grabs Baekhyun's hand and places the candy on his palm, eyes winking in hope the man will understand. Luckily, right from the moment he signaled Baekhyun to come over, the director already knew what he had in mind.

One hand holding the lollipop, Baekhyun starts thrusting it into his little mouth with Minseok's lips stretching wide around the candy.

Deep throating just can't be done alone.

After getting used to its size, he bats his eyelashes again and the director understands him immediately, increasing his speed. Being a virgin he is, it's not long until Minseok starts having gag reflex, cheeks turn red and eyes all teary. After several more thrusts, Baekhyun puts out the candy and hurriedly steps aside just so the cameraman can enter the view. The sight of Minseok's parting lips getting all puffy and wet, drops of saliva running down his chin, half-closed eyes focusing at nowhere in particular, finally puts an end to one of the hottest footage Baekhyun has ever directed. As a result, the director wants to make sure the cameraman can film it closely and perfectly.

Minseok's hard work just can't go into waste.

Not long after the second movie was out, that hot scene of him sucking a lollipop quickly goes viral. "Xiukitty" becomes the nickname his fans lovingly call him, websites about him are created instantly, video cuts of him are shared widely among the gay community. He's been called a phenomenon, the first male gravure idol that can reach success within such a short time. One can't simply estimate how much money Jongin's company has earned just by selling his DVDs. They even start making merchandises that have Minseok's face printed on them. He even gets compared to Haeun - one of Jongin's most famous gravure idols - in terms of popularity among the male audiences. Like what Kyungsoo said, he and Jongin have found a gem.

Unfortunately, this gem has a huge flaw.

"Jongin has been asking me if the company can hold up a small fan meeting for you, I already told him you have anxiety and can't handle being the center of attention, but you know, fans are demanding and he's under a lot of pressures." Jongdae - his manager - worriedly tells him. This is the fifth times in a month Minseok gets asked about this and he has already gotten tired of it. To normal people ordering a drink, having small talk with strangers, or just being stared at are the most ordinary things on earth. But to Minseok, they're as hard as scoring one hundred on a calculus test, maybe even harder. He even had a panic attack once when he used to work at an Italian restaurant. It was simply because he spilled a drink on a woman's dress and then got yelled at, surrounded them were hundreds of eyes staring right through him. Even the panic attack couldn't help him keep the job. Minseok was fired since the manager thought he "made the guests uncomfortable" even though he suffered from social anxiety.

What if something will go wrong at the fan meeting? What if he'll have an attack because of the crowd? What if he'll make the fans uncomfortable and eventually they'll stop buying his DVDs and hate him and write hate speech about him on the Internet? And he can't earn money for the company anymore and at the end, Jongin will have no choice but to fire him. Minseok can't risk his career like this. He's been living the best days of his life ever since he graduated from college. No interaction with anyone other than his director, the team that work on his movies, his manager and Kyungsoo. No working hours because once the new DVD was out, he can stay home and rest until Jongin has a new plan for him. And the best of it: with just a couple of movies Minseok has already earned more than all of his other salaries combined. Within five months of working at Jongin's company, he finally afforded a small car from a well known brand, a new apartment with balcony and huge floor length windows like what he always dreams of. Even though this job is just temporary, it brings Minseok a life he has never imagined he could have. For a person with social anxiety like him, this feels like a miracle he wishes it would never disappear.

"I already told you how I got a panic attack and lost my job because of it, what if the same thing will happen again, then the fans will realize that their idol has mental problem and eventually get disappointed. Jongin must know this right? Fans can get angry because he still hasn't held a fan meeting but that's still better than ruining my image." Minseok tries to reason with Jongdae, only if he can meet and argue with Jongin face to face, but he knows his anxiety won't allow that happens.

"Is there any med that can calm you down? The fan meeting will be cut short to be only two or three hours long if that suits you. I mean the company hasn't hold any fan meeting that short before but you're a rising star and Jongin is under a lot of pressures, he'll approve anyway." Jongdae gives him what he thinks is a reasonable option, slowly taking a sip from his hot cappuccino. They're sitting in Minseok's favorite coffee shop; one of JJ Lin's songs is playing in the background. This might not be the best cafe in town, but somehow JJ Lin's soothing voice puts him at ease when he feels like all his nerves start tensing up. As a result, it becomes Minseok's favorite place for meeting up, discussing a new movie plot, or just having bonding time with his best friend Kyungsoo.

Unfortunately, no matter how relaxing the song sounds today, it still can't stop Minseok's hand from getting all clammy ever since Jongdae mentioned the word "fan meeting". To him, couple of capsules can't guarantee he won't have a hard time socializing with the fans, can't ensure him the fan meeting will go smoothly without any incident like the one he used to cause. For the best of both Minseok and Jongin's company, it needs to be avoided at all costs.

"I don't know if there's a medicine that can help me, but to me, speaking in front of many people is not any different from standing under the rain when you're badly sick. I have to put it that way so you can imagine how hard it is for me to be the center of attention. To normal, healthy people, dripping wet just makes them feel cold, but to those who are having severe fevers, it's just deathly dangerous. You just can't put a person with social anxiety in front of a crowd and then tell him "So go talk with them! Make them excited!" It won't work easily that way."

Taken aback by Minseok's serious words, Jongdae just stays quiet with his cappuccino cup on hand, eyes staring at nothing in particular, as if he's thinking of a new way to persuade him, or just needs time to digest Minseok's strange comparison.

Feel like his words are not persuasive enough to move the man, Minseok decides to pull the last straw.

"In your company's contract there's a line that said, "The company will not force their employees to work under any condition that they find uncomfortable or puts their health on danger" I can't recall the exact words, but isn't it what Jongin proudly calls "Unlike any other company, porn stars' consent is our top priority"? Doesn't it mean I have the right to refuse that fan meeting because it can trigger my anxiety, or one can say, my mental illness?"

"Well, actually it's for porn stars, for gravure-"

"The line clearly said "employees" and I'm sure I didn't misread anything." Minseok firmly says. Strangely enough, this time he even has the gut to look right straight at Jongdae's eyes, not avoiding the manager's gaze like usual.

The manager just stares back at him like he can't believe those words just came straight from Minseok's mouth - the man who always leaves him an impression of a shy quiet cat who'll hide behind your legs if a stranger comes to pet him. Actually the manager is a little stunned, but not totally surprised. He always thinks behind the bashful facade that Minseok's anxiety somehow built up for him over the years; Minseok is in fact pretty witty and sharp-tongued, sometimes can get a little sarcastic. "If only his mental condition can get treated, then probably we will get a glimpse of the clever, interesting Minseok he's been hiding so well." Jongdae wonders.

"If your illness is that serious, then I guess we have to come up with a solution that can both suits you and the fans." The manager finally speaks after remaining quiet for too long.

"Do you have any idea?"

"I've been thinking about this, but I'm not sure if the company allows you to interact with fans this way. For other gravure idols, fan meetings or fansign events are enough to satisfy the fans. As a result, so far we haven't created any social network account for any of our idols or porn stars, but I think Jongin will make an exception for you."

"Social network as in... Twitter?" Minseok cocks his head.

"Twitter, Facebook... anything that can help you to interact with fans, talk with them, reveal your personal life to the fans without having to face them."

"I think it'll work, but are you sure the fans will be pleased with just that?"

"They have to, if they want to know more about this mysterious Xiumin."

\---

At the end, it's not something as simple as a Twitter or Facebook account that he needs to create.

Minseok has been filming and editing his short introduction clip for hours just to make sure his appearance is on point, his voice sounds adorable enough and they way he talks seems natural, effortless and friendly. At first he looked so nervous and uncomfortable, Minseok's fingers kept fidgeting and his eyes just couldn't look straight at the camera. But after several trials, finally a usable video was filmed and Minseok now moves on to the editing stage, adding after effect and subtitles here and there. This is for his newly created YouTube channel - the only social media platform his company has allowed him to use. "Twitter or Facebook won't make them feel like they're truly connected with you, and some will doubt that you're not the only one running it. YouTube sounds fine, they can get to see you but at the same time, those clips are totally under control. Your expression or the words you say are all under your control. It's not any different from starring in a movie anyway. The only difference is that you have to film and edit those clips yourself. Jongin believes that it's best for the clips to look unprofessional, to seem like the company didn't put their hands on it." Jongdae happily informs him the result of his long lasting discussion with the CEO.

To be honest, Minseok is so glad Jongin came up with this idea because being in front of a camera, acting cute or being sexy is what he's been doing for a living right now. It's his job. He's a pro at it. If Minseok can't even film a nice clip then it's probably time he needs to resign.

After hitting upload, knowing it'll take long for his whole clip to be posted, he decides to leave his laptop open and during that time taking a short nap to regain his energy. Few hours later, Minseok doesn't expect to wake up and see his phone being blown up with hundreds of notifications from YouTube.

Within six hours, his introduction clip already reaches three thousands views with just a few dislikes. Fans from all over the places start sending each other the link to his YouTube account and it's not long until the numbers of subscribers go over one thousand. At first he thought about replying the comments but every time Minseok types a character, new ones start appearing with the speed of at least five comments per second. At the end, he doesn't even have the time to read all of them, let alone replying every single one.

If Minseok just had a glimpse of how famous he is by reading fans' posts about him on gay forums, or by listening to Jongdae's daily report "Your DVDs were sold out again at all Seoul stores today", he probably knows well how insanely famous Xiumin is now. With new notifications coming up nonstop, he has to turn off that feature on YouTube, on his phone and also his Google account. But still, refreshing YouTube just to look at the amount of comments keep going up by hundred every hour is a sight Minseok's sure he will never forget.

It's strange to know just months before he was still a poor boy who couldn't even socialize normally, who was just a nobody, a loser that no one would catch a glance at if he was walking down the street. And now, his five minutes of simply introducing, smiling bashfully and once in a while scratching his head suddenly achieves three thousands views, with a huge number of comments that keeps increasing every minute.

Just now that Minseok realizes how much he has owned Jongin's and his company. He's the boy who just can't get more ordinary but under Baekhyun's cameras, he's Xiumin - the first and also most successful male gravure idols , the man that once in awhile would appear in every fanboy's wet dream, the idol who can easily pull off the sexy vibe but still look “young and innocent like a 16-year-old boy.” Jongdae told Minseok that's just one of the many charms that his fans love about him. Hard to believe but even if Minseok uploads a video of him drooling in his sleep, he's pretty sure the fans will still hit the Like buttons like crazy and leave comments such as “He's so cute", “He looks like a kid even when he sleeps.”

It's not that he doesn't find his fans a little too obsessed and weird, but well, it works in his (and Jongin's company) favor. The more captivated the fans are, the more famous Minseok becomes.


	3. 7_lu_m

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of sexual harrassment, read at your own risk.

After the filming for his eighth movie was done, Minseok has been spending most of his time just staying at home, playing mobile games until his fingers hurt, staying up all night to catch up with his favorite TV show, and lastly, rolling around on his queen-sized bed while reading fans' comments about him. Normally, Minseok just needs to upload new videos twice a week, one on Tuesday and the other on either Saturday or Sunday. Jongdae’s words: “You don't need to read or answer the fans' comments, if you reply to one, you have to answer all of them eventually. Just upload the vlogs weekly, the company will accumulate requests from fans and come up with new videos' scripts for you to film.”

In short, the company has complete control over what Minseok will say or do in his vlogs. His job is to simply film and upload them regularly. Because of that, the gravure idol hasn't paid any attention to the comments fans have been leaving on his vlogs ever since he created this YouTube account. But this time, Minseok starts developing a habit of checking out fans' comments simply because he’s too bored, and on top of it, it's hard not to get curious over what the fans have been talking about him.

Unfortunately, this turns out to be a huge mistake.

Top Comment  
roll_like_a_buffalo 2 days ago (edited)  
his hands are too tiny, they’ll make anything hes holding look big, if u guys know what i mean ;))))  
Reply · 205  
View all 26 replies  
unicorn071091 9 hours ago  
are you implying that your dick is small. gross  
Reply · 14

RED BEAN ICE 1 day ago  
thumbs up if you want Xiumin to stop making vids like this and make a vid of himself stripping in front of the camera. would be HOT  
Reply · 102  
View all 56 replies  
이혜란 11 hours ago  
agree. Tbh i grew tired of vids like this, does he really think we care if he just post nonsense things like this??? pls we only buy your movies bc of what you did with your toys and candies  
Reply · 5  
SUN LEE 8 hours ago  
he just stripped once in the second movie right? WE NEED MORE  
Reply ·  
Xiu's_lover 5 hours ago  
i need a vid that only focuses on his body parts  
Reply · 21

adjkke dlajkf 23 hours ago  
his voice is so high pitched, i wonder how good he sounds in bed  
Reply · 98  
View all 100 replies  
koalaaaa kim 3 hours ago  
PETITION FOR XIUMIN TO MAKE HIS DEBUT AS A PORN STAR  
Reply · 30  
장주영 3 hours ago  
I think we should complain this to the company, I never knew I want him as a porn star this badly until you pointed it out  
Reply · 9

These are just a few examples of what the comments are mostly about. Lewd remakes, sexual jokes make up approximately 90% the comment section. Not that Minseok minds, right at the moment he signed the contract, the male already knew what type of jobs he would do and what kind of public image Jongin's company wanted him to have. A naive, sheepish catboy who's willing to obey any command his masters have, one who can pose like a cockslut in bed but at the same time looks at you with huge almond eyes and slightly-parted lips, innocently and ethereally beautiful. “If anything, it only makes men want to wreck you so hard" is what Baekhyun said about his image. Minseok's bashfulness suddenly becomes his charm. His insecurity, the way he can blush easily, how soft and timid his voice sounds, all of those weaknesses unexpectedly work in his advantage.

But it doesn't stop Minseok from getting all uncomfortable and self-conscious when he scrolls down the comment section and words like “slut" or “whore" keep appearing out of nowhere. It's not that Minseok hopes the fans will think of him as an actual idol, given the fact that his job is not much different from porn stars themselves. Well, he's been starring in all kinds of movies and the only ones he hasn't participated are, of course, those that involve sexual intercourses. In fact, he's not an idol, not even close. “Gravure idol” is just a flashy term that Jongin's company came up with when they desperately tried to name his job. Simply put, he's just a sexual figure whose only purpose is to satisfy single gay men's erotic fantasies.

But even sexual figure has feelings, and he can't help but cringe at those comments that explicitly describe how good he must sound in bed, how wide his lips can stretch, how silky his hair is if a man runs his fingers through the locks and pulls them hard. Minseok is glad he won't have to attend any fan meeting because knowing what his fans think about him, the gravure idol is not sure if he can stay as calm, can approach them as friendly as he should.

Getting more and more uneasy at those filthy remarks that somehow still climb up to top comment, Minseok decides to call it a day. Still he's sure when the next day comes, his first reaction will be grabbing the phone to check what new comments his vlogs have been getting. It's hard not to be curious over them when Minseok has too much time on his hand.

\---

It’s just an accidental click, but now Minseok just wishes he’s never seen the private messages people have been sending to his YouTube inbox.

Jongdae told Minseok so many times that googling himself on the internet, reading fans’ comments or messages wouldn’t bring him any good, if not traumatizing the poor man with anxiety. And of course Minseok understands his condition too well to not do anything as dumb as checking out the inbox. The gravure idol even stopped reading fans’ comments a few days ago when he realized that some comments are too explicit to the extent of harassment. Minseok knows how his fans see him, so the male doesn’t expect to read something as normal like “You’re so pretty”, but how can he not shudder uncomfortably when some strangers even described what sex positions they want to try with him, in details, as their comments. Being aware of how people see him is different from actually reading whatever dirty fantasies they have about Xiumin. Minseok closed the tab as quickly as sentences like “I just want to spread his legs opened wide and pound into him till he can’t stand” started appearing out of nowhere in the comment section. But of course, those filthy words still bother him nonstop for the next few days.

And then as God decided that his bad luck couldn’t be just that, Minseok clicks on the ‘inbox’ button mistakenly while trying to find a way to add subtitles to his videos this afternoon. Just a simple click and messages, mostly creepy, abusive and harassing, starts filling up his laptop screens. Even though Minseok knows the best way to do is closing the tab, his curious eyes start tracking the many words that would undoubtedly leave him with uneasiness, anxiety and even worst, an unknown fear toward his own fans.

Jun-seo Kim 24 seconds ago · Shared privately  
i have a feeling my penis will take up your entire face haha  
Reply

loveXiu 33 seconds ago · Shared privately  
why u never reply to your fan  
whore  
Reply

민재 Song 54 seconds ago · Shared privately  
today is Sunday and today im going clubbing  
im looking for a twink to pick up, but this time it will be different  
i will be hunting down a twink with a look as close to you as possible (now i have to estimate your weight)  
once i find him ill take him home and proceed to fuck him in the ass, all the whole ill be pretending im fucking you  
Reply

민규 2 minutes ago · Shared privately  
What will you feel if I enter inside you? Are you a virgin? I don’t think so.  
Reply

Minseok doesn’t dare to scroll down any further than that. Just a few recent messages already disgust him to the point the male doesn’t realize he’s trembling both in fear and anger. Minseok closes the browser tab as quick as he could, trying to calm his nerves down with his heart still beating so fast as if it’s trying to break through his chest. He tries to take a deep breath to get a hold of himself, fingers still quivering slightly, but every attempt fails eventually with how words of the third comment still linger in his mind. Every thought about it sickens Minseok to the point it left him shivering in cold sweat, as he unconsciously curls in himself on the sofa. Flashbacks of those vulgar, creepy words keep reappearing in his head, as he shudders from the sudden realization that maybe Xiumin under the fans’ eyes is just simply a sexual icon they jerk off to, not a person worth being respected.

He also doesn’t even want to call those insane creepy man with sexual sadism or fucked up mentality his “fans”. What kind of fans do this to your idol? But again, Minseok has to mentally correct himself that in fact he’s nothing more than porn stars themselves, and all the movies he starred in are just a little less erotic as compared to porns in term of sexual content. Jongin’s company labels him differently because there are men who find pleasure in watching him slowly stripping down clothes instead of being fucked. In short, he’s not any different than porn stars anyway. And of course, not even close to an “idol”.

Realizing this makes Minseok’s heart sink a little bit. He thinks of his best friend who is currently making a living out of whoring himself out in movies, and how at least Kyungsoo still manages to find himself a date, even though that man is no one else but his (and Minseok’s) own boss. He can’t help but feel a little jealous. Even though his job doesn’t require him to have sex and in fact, one can say he’s still a virgin, what kind of man should agree to date a boring, awkward, mentally ill Minseok whose body is worshipped and verbally harassed by hundreds of men. Who would want to date a man who strips or poses like a slut in front of cameras for a living. Who would agree to go out with him when billion of copies of his movies were sold old, when sexually explicit videos and pictures of him are all over the internet just by typing out the keyword “Xiumin”.

Not to mention Baekhyun has been seeing Jongin quite often these days, according to what Jongdae has told him, as if the director has some new ideas for his movies that need approval from the higher up. And the only thing that needs to be pre-approved right now is also what the fans have been demanding him to do: masturbating. As if what Minseok has been doing for the audiences is not enough for their erotic delusion.

“But isn’t that what porn stars do? And I don’t think masturbation is included in the job description of gravure idol”. He blatantly asked Baekhyun about this when accidentally overhearing a conversation the director had with Jongdae. However, because of the pretty far distance he stood from them, half of the talk still remained a mystery as he only caught Baekhyun saying “the sales will increase by at least double the highest sale record” and “fans want him to masturbate” in the middle of the discussion. Nervous and worried about the possibility of having to actually do the scene, he decided to directly ask about it, in hope of persuading Baekhyun to not make his next movie about masturbation. It had been almost half a year since Baekhyun and him started working together, and Minseok always feels like the director has a small crush on him.

“Ah… actually “gravure idol” as defined by our CEO only means actors or actresses that star in the kind of movies porn stars do, with the exception of performing sexual act. But don’t worry, I know you’re always uncomfortable with movies that closely resemble to porn. I’ll find a way to convince Jongin not making you do that.” Baekhyun promised him with a reassuring smile.

But now, as Jongdae has been telling him about the possibility that the director has agreed with Jongin and also is planning out the new movie, Minseok can’t help but feel like he was betrayed by the person he once trusted. He doesn’t know if Baekhyun in fact did tried to persuade the CEO and got rejected, or he just lied in order to calm down a man with anxiety like him. “But if Baekhyun is against it, why did he talk about the doubled sales they’ll get if the idea gets approved” Minseok can’t help but doubt the small man that has been nothing but nice to him over the past month.

Devastated and exhausted by all the harassing messages and also his worry about the next movie, Minseok decides to call it a day even though the sun hasn’t been set yet. He just needs a deep sleep to erase those vulgar comments out of his head, and moreover, to get over the bitter realization that he in fact cannot count on anyone in the company at this point.

Baekhyun’s name was already crossed out, but now he even casts doubt on the next closest person he has, Jongdae.

He can’t help it. His insecurity occupies his mind too much, it leaves no room for ultimate trust or even a single naive, carefree thought.

\---

It has been awhile since Minseok stopped checking out his videos’ comments, just to avoid being emotionally disturbed like that one time he accidentally opened his account’s inbox. In fact, he can never erase those words out of his mind. Every time Minseok walks past the gay club down the street to go grocery shopping, he remembers how that stranger even sent him a long message saying he “will hunt down a twink” like Minseok. And this sudden recall always makes the male half running, half fast-walking back to his apartment as if that fan can come out of nowhere and chase him down. He knows he’s being paranoid, but never in his life Minseok has felt as lonely, and vulnerable, as this time in his life. If this was before there would be no way Minseok could hide it from Kyungsoo, Jongdae, or even Baekhyun, since he used to refers to them as the only friends he has in the company. But now Minseok just doesn’t want to admit he has been haunted by those messages. Baekhyun may or may not lie to him, Jongdae was the one talking to Baekhyun when he eavesdropped their conversation. And Kyungsoo, Minseok considered telling him until he realized his best friend started dating Jongin back not so long ago. That puts Minseok in a situation where he cannot mention anything work related to Kyungsoo, because it will eventually lead to him trash talking about Jongin and also the boss’s decision. Even though Kyungsoo is his friend, Minseok is not sure whose side he is on at this point.

One can say he is being pessimistic, that there’s no way to expect the worst in everything, but long years of being bullied have trained him to never put absolute faith on anyone other than himself. His defense mechanism is strong. He’s like a kid who swears to never climb trees after falling down, who is afraid of opening up his heart just so it can never be broken into pieces . But Minseok never thinks his way of living is wrong. In fact, the male still opens up to people but at the end they always choose to disappoint, to betray or to hurt him instead. He’s not wrong to always doubt people around him; it’s how he has adapted to their lies and their selfishness anyway.

He only treat them how they’re supposed to deserve.

Coming home with a bad mood, Minseok decides to make something to eat while letting his youtube playlist shuffle a collection of JJ Lin’s ballads. He got to know this singer thanks to a Chinese classmate he once sat next to in college, and even though Minseok barely understand any word JJ Lin sings, the artist’s pleasant voice never fails to calm his anxiety down like nobody else could. The rest of the day goes smoothly until Minseok sets his laptop ready to make a small livestream for his fans. This was originally Jongdae’s ideas, as the man explained to him and also Jongin “A lot of artists or singers use livestreaming to interact with their audiences these days. It makes the fans feel closer to them.” While Minseok is always against the idea of him having a fanmeeting with the fans, livestreaming is in fact another good alternative option. From his perspective, it’s not any different from filming a vlog anyway, if he can successfully ignore the live chat that needs to refresh every second because of the large amount of comments coming in nonstop.

Just leaving the bathroom with wet hair still stuck to his forehead, Minseok chooses to wear a white simple shirt and shorts, with the highlight of a black leather choker that hugs his delicate neck nice and tight. Even though his outfit is too simple for an official livestream, the fans seem to love it a lot, as they can’t stop reminding Minseok how deliciously cute he looks. Even though there are still some sexual references here and there, the majority of the chat just revolves around personal questions about him or his daily routines, with a few compliments occasionally thrown at Minseok’s cute choker. As opposed to how uncomfortable he feels toward his videos’ comments, the male is perfectly fine interacting with his fans this way though.

At least that was what he thought until a fan decides to be bold and it all goes downhill from there.

q220428331  
hey im a fan of you from Indonesia :) can you greet me in Indonesian?

unicorn071091  
please say something in chinese too :DDDDD

Xiuminism  
doesn’t the choker just make you want to ravish him, to lick at the hollow on his neck and then trace over his dainty curved collar bone

Xiuminism  
and then bite it hard, mark him as yours

김민준  
jesus xiuminism you dont know what you just did

최 주은  
my pants suddenly feel so tight

roll_like_a_buffalo  
it’s even better with real xiumin actually talking with us right now

lonelyman08  
how do you feel about that Xiuminnie? will you like it if I caress your cute petite neck with my hot wet tongue, if I bite down your creamy soft skin after that

Before Minseok even has time to come up with an appropriate response, his finger already hovers above the “Hide chat” option and quickly clicks on that. The male has never felt so thankful for how fast his reflex is at this moment. However, Minseok’s insecure self immediately takes over and he can’t help but come up with various fight-or-flight responses like “ending the livestream early” or “shutting down the laptop with the excuse of running out battery”, as if they’re legitimate choices to choose. Minseok doesn’t even need to look at the video streaming screen to see how tensed up he is, or how his eyes just screams panic all over. But long years of dealing with social anxiety has taught Minseok to recomposes himself within a few minutes when facing with situation like this. Taking a few deep breaths with the acknowledgement that the livestreaming is still going on, and that those fans are watching his every movement, Minseok smiles widely and resumes the talk about his hobbies like nothing has happened.

He can have severe anxiety, but he won’t let his mental illness to take total control, to make him lose his professionalism. Even though some of the fans just wait for the right moment to make sexual implication about him, they are still the ones who have been paying for his albums, his fame, his current comfortable life. He has to please them.

No matter what.

The rest of the livestream continues without any interruption as Minseok does a ‘25 things about me’ tag, sings one of his favorite TVXQ’s songs, and answers a few fans’ questions that his company carefully selected for him. Right at the moment he says goodbye to the fans and ends the live stream, Minseok feels like a huge rock has been lifted off his chest.

It’s until then that Minseok dares to open the chat section again. He can choose not to, but part of him worries that the fans may or may not see the panic on his face and complain about him being unprofessional. “And I don’t want to hear Jongdae nagging about this for hours” he mumbled to himself.

In fact, there wasn't any comment like that at all, but something he’s never imagined of has happened instead.

lonelyman08  
how do you feel about that Xiuminnie? will you like it if I caress your cute petite neck with my hot wet tongue, if I bite down your creamy soft skin after that

7_lu_m  
It would be cool if you guys can keep whatever dirty fantasies you have about him TO YOURSELF, and just STOP COMMENTING IT IN THE LIVE CHAT BECAUSE HE CAN READ THOSE WORDS

7_lu_m  
and it’s super gross. You guys can write whatever you guys want in gay forum or Xiumin’s reddit topic BUT NOT HERE, DURING THE STREAM WHILE HE CAN READ IT.

Xiuminism  
lol talking as if you never jerk off to his vid before

최 주은  
hypocrite

김민준  
shut the fuck up

lonelyman08  
just ignore that dickhead and continue guys

unicorn071091  
I agree with lu_7, I’m just a normal gay fan of Xiumin and I came here to watch him talk, not to read those gross fantasies you guys have about him

ling5322  
agree, i’m his fangirl and those dudes creep me out so much

7_lu_m  
yeah most of the comments on his vids are like this tbh i voted down and reported every single one of them but youtube takes forever to remove. But PLEASE if anyone feels like this shouldn’t be how Xiumin’s comments should be like REPORT or VOTE DOWN them JUST SO THEY CAN’T CLIMB UP TO TOP COMMENT

7_lu_m  
and he cant read them

Boas Macharo  
ill do that next time i see sexual comment on his vlog, thanks lu_m

pororo_12011993  
thanks 7_lu_m for voicing this out, ive been bothered by those comments for a long time

7_lu_m  
IM GLAD SO MANY PEOPLE AGREE WITH ME ON THIS. Next time whenever you see those comments, if they have the most votes just report them under “Pornography or explicit material” and youtube will take care of that, would take them awhile to take those down BUT THAT WORKED FOR ME SO MANY TIMES, if they dont have any votes or just a few votes up REPORT OR VOTE DOWN THE COMMENT

7_lu_m  
action speaks louder than words pls do like what i said if u feel like xiumin doesn’t deserve seeing those words and shouldn’t be bothered by it. hes gravure yes but this is his channel and those comments are not meant to be read

ling5322  
we need more fans like you 7_lu_m

unicorn071091  
totally agree

Then the rest of the chat is just about how to report those explicit comments on his main channels, how to get rid of them completely and then a long discussion about fans’ attitudes between 7_lu_m and unicorn071091.

This is not how Minseok assumed the chat would be like. He has imagined there would be tons of sexual innuendoes or even explicit descriptions of the fans’ fantasies, and he would have to go over each of them to make sure no fan was disappointed about today livestreaming. The gravure idol has mentally prepared for many worst case scenarios, but none of them turns out to be true.

In fact, he gets a chance to know there are still fans who don’t think about him like that, who actually care about what he feels, who spend the time of their days just to report or vote down harassing comments about Minseok so that he won’t have to read those.

Like 7_lu_m, the one who initiated this.

Minseok is aware that his job doesn’t allow him to pay special attention to any of the fans, and that they should all be treated equally, meaning that the gravure idol can’t privately message 7_lu_m or any other fans to express his gratitude. His company won’t know a thing if he did anyway, but Minseok should always be careful.

At the end, he figures out even though he can’t properly say thank you to 7_lu_m, visiting the fan’s youtube channel would still be fine.

That sounds almost like stalking, but Minseok can’t help it, he gets too curious over the nickname who stood out for him in a chat full of perverts. With just a few clicks, the person behind 7_lu_m is revealed to be a man who was born on the same year as him, loves soccer, is a fan of Manchester United, and has a chubby cat named Zhu that appears in almost all of his uploaded videos. Minseok has been extremely allergic to cats since he was a kid and is also not much of cat person himself, but this kitty is awfully squishy that he just wants to pinch his ample cheeks so bad. The clips are not too many and most of them are just videos about Zhu, clearly 7_lu_m is an owner who’s really obsessed with his pet, a true cat lover.

And that’s just super cute.

Minseok doesn’t know why, but this realization causes a smile to spread across his face. He used to think of his fans as those creepy dudes who jerk off to his movies, send him harassing messages or write erotic stories about him on gay forum , but 7_lu_m sounds like none of them. The man seems like a nice man with his YouTube channel only used for uploading cat videos and an avatar of Cristiano Ronaldo. “But it’s too bad that he’s a ManU fan while I’m into Barcelona, otherwise we can be good friends” Minseok chuckles to himself.

It’s been a long time since he felt this happy, all because of an online nickname.

\---

The next morning, a Tuesday, at eight thirty, Minseok decides to visit to Jongin’s office. It’s not like Minseok hasn’t come to the CEO’s workplace before, but this time is different, there’s no Jongdae beside him. He feels nervous, at usual, but on top of that there’s something about Jongin that doesn’t stress him out as much as his old bosses did. The feelings he has for the any other employer is the kind you experience when facing with an authority figure, like your teacher, manager or landlord, such as fear or nervousness. However, in Minseok’s case, that can possibly be an initiator for his panic attack. In the past, he had to mentally prepare himself for a few days and even took meds before talking about salary raise with his bosses, even though the talk may only last a few minutes. But that just happened before Minseok worked for Jongin, now his manager always accompanies him every time the CEO wants to discuss something with the rising star. Normally not every employee can have a talk with the head of the company, but ever since Minseok’s third movie surpassed three million sales, Jongin had been paying special attention to him. At the beginning their talk mainly revolved around new ideas for his movies, whether or not he can co-star with another famous gravure idol, or how much bonus does he want for breaking sales’ record. As time goes on, Minseok feels like he has slowly becoming some sort of a friend with this strange new boss. The man, or to Minseok Jongin reminds him more of a big kid, is even younger than his little cousin. He’s the one who loves bringing two Poodle dogs he lovingly calls them “my child”, the one who yawns nonstop during every meeting that happens to be at eight in the morning and then bashfully admits he stayed up late playing Neko Atsume, the one who talks with Minseok as if the gravure idol is not his employee but only a friend he’s trying to get know of. Minseok can’t say he’s totally comfortable sitting in front of Jongin’s work desk, but he also doesn’t feel the same kind of pressure he always had when talking with his previous employers. There’s a charm about the way Jongin talks that makes people unknowingly relax around him, even though everything about the man screams power, from the way his office is decorated to the way he dresses, speaks or walks.

However, when Minseok told his manager that Jongin has asked him to come alone, Jongdae’s voice sounded somewhat… worried. The man even told him to think carefully before speaking, but didn’t state the reason why. Even though the time Minseok got to know Jongin is short, and their previous meetings only last a few hours, the boss is the last one he should be careful around right now.

At least that was what Minseok thought before he knocked on the CEO office’s door, alone, for the first time ever.

\---

“I’m glad that there’s progress in treating your anxiety. Yixing is one of the best psychologist you can find when it comes to social anxiety.” Jongin says after having a long discussion with Minseok about his condition. This is one of the reasons why he never feels nervous around the employer, his boss always makes it feel like he’s just having a talk with a close acquaintance. No formal greeting, no stressing over small mistake, no pressure of having to impress, he just has to be the plain old Minseok who sometimes stutters or fidgets his fingers in nervousness.

Jongin doesn’t know how thankful Minseok is toward the boss, for making him comfortable, for caring about his mental illness while no other employers has ever paid attention to it. The man even introduced him to Yixing, a well-known psychologist who has history of successfully helping his patients overcoming their anxiety. Normally it’s hard to make appointment with Yixing when the psychologist is extremely busy with his tight schedule, but since he’s one of the boss’s friend, that problem was solved quite easily. Minseok has been seeing Yixing for awhile now, and the clinician is probably the best one he’s ever had.

“However, Minseok, I asked you to meet me today because I have a small favor to ask, if you don’t mind” Jongin continues.

How can he mind when this man just basically saves his life not only by hiring him, but also helping him setting appointment with Yixing.

“I know you’re always against this idea, and I totally understand the reason why, but as your anxiety has been treated, can you consider the possibility of us holding a small fanmeeting for you and the fans? There won’t be many fans attending that though, and we can discuss about how many fans you’d like to meet, and also where the fanmeeting will be held” Jongin calmly explains

“I… I’m sorry but I have to refuse this again.” Minseok fidgets a little in his seat, rubbing his shoes against each other under the wooden table. “You know… I told you I have been feeling better but it’s like… i’m still getting nowhere though. It’s just a tiny improvement as compared to how bad my anxiety was.” He nervously says while quietly wiping his sweaty palms with a tissue.

Suddenly Minseok understands what Jongdae meant when he told him to “think carefully before you speak”.

Jongin’s smile still hasn’t faltered, but somehow Minseok can see the way his expression hardened a little bit. Just a tiny change of look though, but Minseok’s sixth sense has never been wrong.

“You know… it’s too bad that your anxiety hasn’t improved much, but if the gravure job stresses you out so much and worsens your illness, you can always consider switching job. And also don’t worry about causing us trouble, I already have like… almost twenty promising applications for your position right now.” Jongin smiles sweetly at him while petting the Poodle dog lazily spreading out on his laps.

It’s until then that Minseok realizes why the CEO has been paying attention to his anxiety so much, and also why Jongin was ready to go all out, asking Yixing to book him an appointment when new patients always have to wait, just so Minseok’s mental illness can be treated properly.

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. Of course the employer hasn’t been helping him for nothing. How silly Minseok is, thinking Jongin actually cares about him.

Without this job he would be unemployed again, and his current comfortable life is totally depended on it. He just can’t simply quit like any other employee. And of course, there wouldn’t be any reason Jongin doesn’t know about this.

In fact, Jongin understands Minseok and his condition too well. Without the sugarcoating his sentence can be literally translated into “If you’re this sick, just quit. I have thousands more candidates for your spot anyway.”

This is a threat. Jongin and his company can still do well without or without Minseok, pretty men aren’t hard to find, but Minseok, he can’t live without this job.

“No, of course my anxiety is not to that extent. Acting in front of camera isn’t that hard anyway. It’s fine right now. I don’t want to quit” Minseok hurriedly replies.

“If your illness is getting better. Then I assume a small, short fanmeeting would still be fine right?” Jongin smirks.

Minseok is about to retort with “but that’s different” before quickly stopping himself from saying anything stupid. He’s not naive. This is definitely a trap Jongin has carefully set up, just waiting for him to jump right in.

The CEO suddenly leans in closer as the wide grin never leaves his face.

“I care about you Minseok, I always do. Our company always has compromised to never put our employees in any situation they feel uncomfortable in. Because of that I already had a small discussion with Yixing, and he assured me that a fanmeeting right now is totally fine with your condition. You anxiety has lessened a whole lot and I’m glad hearing about it. So now, what’s your answer?”

It’s like stabbing him with a knife then worriedly ask “Are you hurt?”. The man already talked with Minseok’s psychologist about his condition but pretended not to know, just so those magic words “I’ve been feeling better” can come out of Minseok’s mouth and would be used against him.

Jongdae has warned him to be careful with Jongin, to never say thing restless in front of the CEO who always appears to be a friendly, kind man. But how can Minseok doubt the boss that has been nothing but sweet toward him, so he just shrugs off his manager’s warning and continues to treat Jongin like he’s just a 22 years old boy who also happens to be a successful young CEO.

Again, it’s only been two years since Jongin graduated from university but he has already been interviewed and featured on Korean Forbes. Minseok has underestimated his boss a lot, and now he has to pay back for his mistake.

“What’s your answer?” Jongin asked as if Minseok has any other answer than allowing the company to set up that fanmeeting. The man is smart, pretending to not violate his company’s principle while still managing to leave him no way out.

“I know my anxiety isn’t to the point I can’t handle a small fanmeeting but that’s just my psychologist’s words, while I must be the one who understands my condition most. And I still feel like I’m not ready for it.” Minseok answers after a long pause, carefully choosing each word. The male knows he’s not in a position to even bargain about this anymore, as Jongin has even warned about firing Minseok.

But he just can’t stand the idea of having to meet those fans, he has to try out any solution he could think of.

“More like… you think you understand your condition most, Yixing is the professional here, Minseok.” The corner of Jongin’s mouth turns down, a sign he’s clearly not in a good mood. “Are you saying that you won’t attend the fanmeeting just because you don’t want to?”

“Our company can hire people with mental illness, but we won’t tolerate employees who have unprofessional attitude” The boss sternly speaks.

At this point, Minseok knows continue arguing would be pointless. He has already lost.

“I didn’t mean it that way, and I’m extremely sorry if that sounds like I’m being irresponsible. About the fanmeeting, that’s totally fine to me.” Minseok answers in defeat.

“Good” The CEO makes a satisfied grin.

“You guys can arrange the fanmeeting however you guys want to, I just have only one request”

“And that is…?” The boss raises his eyebrows.

“I want a private bodyguard, not those who stand in far distance just to stop the fans from coming near, but a private, personal one.”

Minseok doesn’t know where his confidence comes from when just a few minutes before he was even threatened to be fired, but he’s still the most famous gravure idol Jongin’s company has at this point.

And it’ll be foolish not to take advantage of it.

“Uhm… who am I to deny this, anything for you, my golden star.” Jongin replies, as his upper lip curls with mirth.


	4. Fan-meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: more sexual harassment.

The breaking news starts spreading like fire after Minseok's talk with Jongin, saying that for the first time ever, Xiumin - rising star in the porn industry - will hold several fan meetings in Shinchon. It doesn't take long until the company has them all planned out and starts launching online contests to select lucky fans for the event. At first, it is decided that around a hundred people will be chosen for each fan meeting, until the CEO feels like that’s such a small amount for how famous Minseok is, thus the final number: an estimated crowd of three-hundreds people will be gathered.

Jongdae has reassured him that the more fans are going to participate the event, the less time Minseok has to interact with each of them. Three-hundreds fans for a fan meeting that will last approximately three hours means that every person gets about six seconds of seeing Xiumin. Only six seconds and everything will be over with just a blink of Minseok’s eyes. He doesn't even need to talk, he can just sit there and flash his lovely, gummy smiles at the fans, shake their hands once in awhile, and try to sign as many autographs as he could within a few hours.

The fan meeting, even though just the thought of it scares Minseok to no end, is not going to be worse than that one time he got fired because of a panic attack. He has gotten better, thanks to his therapist Yixing and a steady job that earns him stable income, and Minseok definitely won't let his illness get a hold of him.

With that determination in mind, he's already well-prepared for what seems like a battle between social anxiety and his struggle to fulfill the gravure idol job.

\---

Minseok was wrong, however. The fan meeting proves itself to be a harder challenge than what he previously assumed.

Day before the event, Minseok is taken to a large venue located on a crowded street in Shinchon, since early in the morning, just to practice standing on a stage, prepare his opening speech, and to try on several costumes specifically designed for the fan meeting.

Has been working as a gravure idol for almost six months, Minseok is already used to being the center of limelight. Talking in front of a large crowd full of enthusiastic fans may seem frightening, but he can try to overcome the inner fear that always begs him to surrender, to hide in his comfort zone.

Putting on several revealing, sexy costumes, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Somehow, it's even more challenging that facing the fans.

At first Minseok thinks he's going to wear casual clothes, like how singers and idols always do when seeing their fans. However, Jongin explains that these meetings can be used as great opportunities to promote his upcoming movies, thus Minseok has to be clad the exact same way he looks on his DVDs' covers.

Like wearing maid outfit with white lace apron, like putting on cat ears headband, like having a black leather choker on his dainty, delicate neck, like being clad in mid-thigh oversized sweater with just his briefs on. Being filmed with those provocative outfits on is not a big deal for Minseok, but appearing in front of five-hundreds people while looking like a little slut is definitely on a whole new level.

There are about five or six sets of costumes he's going to wear on three days of fan meeting, and none of them looks normal enough to be passed off as everyday clothes. The gravure idol nervously examines his stage outfits for the next day, mind already occupied with countless concerns. How can he relax and "be himself" when lacy panties or mesh stockings are what he has to put on before seeing the fans. How can Minseok not have any anxious thought when what he's going to wear is nowhere near comfortable.

Nonetheless, negotiating with Jongin seems like an impossible task right now. The CEO has somewhat forced Minseok into joining a fan meeting being held for him, it's only a matter of time before the young boss can make he do anything just for the sake of earning more money.  
And it's not like Minseok can protest. He’s in no position to raise his voice when he needs this job more than Jongin needs him. Pretty men are easy to find, and there are numerous men who are eager to take his position, to replace Xiumin, to be the next rising star for the company.

As a result, Minseok has no choice but to accept whatever fate Jongin’s company has decided for him.

\---

Day one of seeing the fans goes by like a blur. Minseok has been signing autographs till his fingers can't move, and he can feel every muscle fibers around his mouth tiring out because of the constant bright smile the gravure idol has to put on. Still, as tired as Minseok can be, all he has ever said to the fans throughout three hours of the meeting are just "thank you so much" or "thank you for coming". The crowd is huge, as expected, but that also means less interaction between him and the fans, and Minseok is forever thankful for that.

However, it's hard not to fidget uncomfortably when any of the men starts staring at Minseok for too long when it's their turn to get the autographs. Some even not so subtly take a glance at the exposed white skin of his neck and shoulder, or obviously check out his luscious pinkish nipples that are not well hidden under the thin wife beater. Minseok feels like every part of him is being displayed for the whole world to see, feels like his every move is being observed with such keen eyes that he cannot avoid or hide from. Sometimes a breeze suddenly blows by and the flimsy fabric that his shirt is made of would move ever so slightly, revealing a pair of perky nipples that every fan would love to steal a closer glance at.

For today's fan meeting, Minseok has been clad in a somewhat transparent shirt along with a pair of boxers that hug his ample thighs tightly, complementing the delicate, dainty legs of his. Hungry, lustful eyes are on him all the time ever since Minseok walked out from the backstage access door, making every step Minseok has is a mark of constant internal struggle against his rising anxiety. However, things get better when he can finally sit down to sign because now most of his body is covered by the large wooden table. Still, sometimes Minseok can glance up and is faced with multiple stares boring right through him, leaving his hand clammy and his breath hitched as the anxiety slowly creeps up on him.

But Minseok successfully makes it through the fan meeting, with no panic attack whatsoever, thanks to his limited contact with the fans but most importantly, a certain person.

One of his personal bodyguards.

When Minseok requested Jongin to assign him several security guards, he had imagined being surrounded by muscular, giant men who can easily tower over such a shortie like Minseok. However, just three of the four men his boss hired can stay true to his expectation, the leader, in fact, is just slightly taller than Minseok with a slim, lean body. Having taken martial arts lesson since he was small, still the gravure idol isn't disappointed because he understands being strong doesn't equal being tall-built, and the leader of the bodyguard team can protect him as well as his bulky teammates.

In fact, the man is even more protective of him than any other bodyguard standing nearby, and thanks to his overprotective instinct, Minseok feels safer than ever because the fans can only steal glances at him, but none of them dare to be an inch closer to him, or to touch Minseok without his permission.

They cannot, because whenever a fan moves just a bit closer to take photos of Xiumin, or to lightly brush Minseok's hand, the head of the guard team would quickly step over and order said fan to stay away. Sometimes a few daring fans would violate his personal space bubble, and that always results in angry stares from the leader accompanied with a stern, calm voice: "All fans must not lean too close to Xiumin when talking to him, and the ones who are waiting for their turns must stay in their designated areas."

He knows the personal bodyguard just does it out of duty, but deep down in his heart Minseok feels thankful for how dedicated the man is to his job, and how he always makes sure no fan can make any physical contact with Xiumin, no matter how much they want to.

No long conversation, no intimate contact, and most importantly no harassment has happened on the first day of the event. That being said, Minseok is glad the fan meeting was carried out successfully with him behaving like what a typical gravure idol would do, being all cute and friendly and flashing his signature gummy smiles at the long line of excited fans.

And of course, he knows none of this can be done without the help of a certain bodyguard that refuses to leave his side even for just one minute. The man has been standing beside Minseok, watching over the gravure idol and making sure none of the fans can step over the line. Minseok doesn't know how much Jongin has paid for such a dutiful bodyguard, but he's glad his boss hasn't half-assed his promise to him.

And what makes him even happier and can't be more satisfied with the team of bodyguard he has, is that the leader of them, the one that has left such a good impression by protecting Minseok so carefully, has the most gorgeous, charming smile he's ever seen.

All bodyguards wear black eyeglasses that cover almost one third of their faces, so it's hard to make judgement about their appearances, and normally each of them keeps on a non-expressive face as they stand intact, making sure to show no emotion. The leader of the bodyguard team Jongin has hired is the same, except for that one rare time the man gives Minseok a quick, reassuring smile when the gravure idol nervously makes his way toward the signing table.

And right at that moment, Minseok can swear his heart skipped several beats.

\---

Minseok doesn't know what name that bodyguard has, and he is too shy to ask about it, so at the end he's stuck with calling the man "that leader", as the guys is also the head of his guard team. Day two of the fan meeting, and this time because the event will be held outside, Minseok is taken into a van as well as his staffs, a few makeup artists, Jongdae, and two of his personal security guards.

The leader is also one of them.

Minseok has thought being outside for fan signing is a good opportunity to enjoy some fresh air. However, it turns out that this is also the worst way of meeting the fans.

Because the crowd still hasn't left him alone ever since Minseok stepped out of the car.

Men ranging from teenagers to middle-aged, and even some fangirls clad in shirts that spell out Xiumin on them, go crazy at his appearance. The gravure idol struggles to move through the immense crowd as fans start lining up in front of his car. Not missing any chance of being able to touch Xiumin, some fans even start mobbing him, grabbing his hands and pushing Minseok back and forth like he's some kind of a rag doll. People's body odors start clogging his nostrils, making it impossible for him to think clearly as Minseok is repulsed by the stench of sweaty smell. And that is also the first time he experiences how to be sandwiched to death in a crowd. It's even hard to move as more and more fans crowd around him, blocking out any exit Minseok can find.

When he's already so near to having panic attack, suddenly a strong arm lays itself around his shaky shoulder. Appalled, Minseok takes a look at the owner of said hand only to find out it's no one else but the leader, the bodyguard that has left such a deep impression of how well he can protect Xiumin. The man already stands next to him, calmly leading Minseok through the excitable crowd of fans.

"Move out the way! You guys are blocking him!" - The bodyguard shouts out loud while forcing his way through the group of thirsty fans, accompanied with an anxious, scared Minseok who couldn't stop shaking slightly in his arm.

Several other security guards also start calming down the crowd that has gathered around the outdoor arena reserved for the event, as Minseok and his bodyguard slowly make their way toward the signing tables. After what seems like almost forty five minutes of walking from the parking lot to the arena, finally Minseok can approach where the event is taking place at. Out of breath, worn out and on top of it, scared to death, Minseok asks Jongdae for a short break to calm himself down before joining the fan meeting.

The manager, seeing how distressed and exhausted Minseok is, cannot say no.

Having social anxiety, sometimes he can gather all his inner strength to have constant interaction with strangers, to be amazingly good at handling conversation, but some other time, he just can't, he would give up and curl in his small cozy comfort zone just to run away from the scary outside world.

Minseok feels like he has given his very best to deal with his first day of the fan meeting. The second day, with the mobbing and the loud, frightening crowd, and being pushed around by the fans like a pawn on a chessboard, the gravure idol thinks he can just as well give up on trying. At that moment while being surrounded by hundreds of fans, Minseok thought he was so close to having another panic attack, if his personal bodyguard wouldn't appear on time and rescue him from the crazy crowd.

As a gravure idol, his responsibility is to treasure his fans, to love and to entertain them as much as he could. However, seeing how scary and aggressive they can be just for a chance of touching him, Minseok honestly doesn't know if he can face them with a composed attitude like what he did yesterday.

In short, he's still frightened by the how these fans can grab and push him so easily, how to them he's nothing more than a person to sexually harass on the internet. He's scared, shitless. Right now his mind is full of endless racing thoughts and all of them are screaming, telling him to just give up, to cancel this fan meeting because his anxiety wouldn't allow him to sustain it.

But Minseok knows too well once he has done that, his career is also done for. Jongin had poured lots of money into holding these events, that man wouldn't allow him to just run away and cancel the events and ruin everything the company has carefully set up.

As a result, here sitting Minseok in a small corner at a local coffee shop, trying to sort out his thoughts as he's still experiencing the after shock of being mobbed by fans. He cannot think properly right now, his heart tells him to give it a break and just quit. His mind, on the other hand, stays strong and continuously lists out numerous reasons why he should return to the fan meeting, complete his job as a gravure idol, and keep the career that earns him money and fame.

His anxiety - the loudest, most annoying voice - however, keeps urging him to go straight home and curl up under his warm, soft blanket because "that's the safest place on earth", because he would not make it through the fan meeting, and would as well end up with another panic attack at the end of the day.

Right at the moment Minseok seems to be swayed by what his fear and anxious thoughts have been instructing him to do, a figure out of a sudden appears in his field of vision.

Minseok looks up, and that person is revealed to be none other than the caring bodyguard, the one who just a few minutes ago successfully accompanied him through the immense crowd. Before he even has the time to open his mouth to ask, the man quickly initiates the conversation:

"Jongdae has been looking everywhere for you. You've been away for almost half an hour. The fans are getting impatient." - The man worriedly says.

"I know. Tell him I'll get back in just a few minutes." - Minseok replies, voice soft and out of breath. Nonetheless, judging from his posture, it's clear that he doesn't have any plan of getting out of seat.

However, unlike what Minseok has expected, the other main doesn't urge him to leave, just remains silent after Minseok's reply, as if waiting for him to act on what he said.

Ten minutes go by quickly, and Minseok still doesn't move. Knowing the man's eyes have been on him all the time, and also realizing how Minseok is creating such a difficult situation for the guy to be in, the gravure idol finally opens his mouth to talk:

"Just go back, tell them you can't find me so that Jongdae won't scold you. I'll be fine. I'll return. Just give me more time to calm myself down." - He weakly says.

"You're scared of them? I mean, the fans?" - The other man asks.

"Yeah. Not just scared, I just can't face them right now. I just cannot be the bubbly, lovely Xiumin that will greet each of them with the brightest smile I can have." - He lets out a long sigh - "I will be imperfect and grumpy and a little anxious when I meet them, and as a gravure idol I can't let that happen. They have to see the best of me, not a Xiumin in his worst state."

"So you're taking the time to gather yourself together, to show them that you're like... cheerful and all when you meet them?" - The bodyguard wonders, and it slightly takes Minseok aback by how fast the man can grasp the situation.

"Kind of, yeah." - He admits.

"Then you don't need to. I don't know if you pay attention to the kind of look they have on you, but like, they're totally enthralled by you. They love and idolize you too much, to the point everything you do turns out to be their favorites." - The man speaks, his composed voice resonates through the thick silence that has temporarily blanketed the empty café corner - "You know the kaleidoscope?"

"I used to have one when I was small. But why did you ask?" - Minseok, surprised by how the topic has been turned from his problem to a childhood toy, raises his eyebrows and asks.

"It has colorful beads and pebbles and pieces of glass inside with mirrors, and when you look into one end and rotate the cylinder, those objects turn into beautiful patterns right?" - The man asks and to which Minseok quickly nods, eager to know what the guy has been trying to tell him.

"Supposed you're the beads and pebbles at one end, nothing special and full of flaws, but what's important is that when the fans look at you, it's like how they would look through the mirrors in the kaleidoscope. Their interest in you turns the ordinary person they see into Xiumin - the gravure idol they love." - The bodyguard then continues - "So what I'm wanting to show is that no matter what expression you make or how you behave, they still like you anyway, so there's no need to worry about your image."

Is that true? Is that how his fans have been seeing him as? Not plain old Minseok but the charismatic, sexy Xiumin they love and they want?

And is it correct that no matter what he does, the fans would still neglect his flaws as long as they can meet the gravure idol whom they've been spending so much money on, buying his movie and merchandises?

"Really? Is it what you see after accompanying me since day one of the fan meeting?" - Minseok skeptically asks.

"I'm pretty sure you can ask anyone, not the fans though, who attend the event and they can confirm that yes, your fans are crazy about you, and there's no way they can be disappointed, unless you insult them or something, which I'm pretty sure you would never do." - The man lets out a gentle smile, and it would be a lie to say Minseok isn't blinded by how radiant it looks.

"If what you said is true, then I think I'm just being worried for nothing." - Minseok embarrassingly admits. What the man said, however, is definitely not an attempted lie just so Minseok will come back to the fan meeting with him. Baekhyun has told him several times that Minseok can just be his usual anxious self, the fans would still lovingly call him their shy little Xiukitty anyway. Innocently pretty, having a look of a virginal 15-year-old boy, is the public image that Jongin's company and Baekhyun have been building for him for over six months. He can be incredibly reserved, can stutter awkwardly, can fidget in his seat anxiously and all the fans would see is how cute and easily embarrassed their Xiumin is.

What he bodyguard leader said is true, and suddenly Minseok's anxiety lessens a whole lot with the realization that his fans probably don't pay that much attention to him. People with social anxiety live in constant fear that they're being watched, and that strangers may judge their behaviors or their personalities.

But the bodyguard said that these devoted fans always look at him like children look into their kaleidoscopes, anything ordinary and normal and imperfect will be turned into beauty and charisma and sexiness.

So what to worry about?

The other man may not know it, but thanks to him, Minseok feels like a huge rock has been lifted off his shoulders and for the first time ever, he even feels slightly confident about his meeting with the fans

Because no matter what he does, how he behaves, his fans won't judge him for his action and his words anyway. Their impression of him is distorted and altered thanks to what Jongin's company has been building as public image of gravure idol Xiumin. What they see is always the gorgeous, erotically attractive Xiumin, and none of the flawed, anxious, mentally ill Minseok.

Minseok is thankful for that fact, and he's even more thankful for the bodyguard to remind him of it at the most crucial time.

He returns to the fan meeting shortly after his encounter with the personal bodyguard, and somehow successfully carries on his fan signing event despite being late for almost an hour.

The fans just complain a bit when their idol is nowhere to be seen, but when Minseok finally appears and shakes their hands and flashes his brightest smile at them, all the frustration seems to go away in a blink of the eyes. Day two of the fan meeting, and despite being pushed around by fans, Minseok once again fulfills his job as the most famous male gravure idol Jongin's company has ever had.

All thanks to his encounter with the bodyguard, and what the man has made him realize.

\---

The last day of fan meeting comes with a twist.

Minseok arrives at the event venue early, just to be taken aback by how the stage hasn't been set up yet, and there is also no sight of his staff team. Confused, he takes his phone out, making a quick call to Jongdae.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you but yesterday Jongin has decided that today we will hold a smaller fan meeting for you. It's more like a cozy meetup between you and some fanclub's leaders, as well as the fans who won first prize in the online contests. Since you're already at the venue we'll be on our way to pick you up immediately. Just stay there" - Jongdae hurriedly replies, and from the noisy background Minseok can easily guesses the manager is still at the company, probably has been preparing for the special event today.

However, Minseok hasn't been informed about it, not one bit, until the call he has with Jongdae today.

A small, cozy meetup? How does that even mean?

Puzzled and a little bit worried about what may await him at the fan meeting today, Minseok is taken on a van to a place called Bar Rogue. He's then led to a medium sized room that's booked for special event or personal meetup. Opening the door, what surprises him more is how several fanclub leaders as well as his most loyal fans have already been there, busily chatting up with each other and sipping wine out of tall crystal goblets.

"Well, seems like all the fans are already here. Enjoy your time with Xiumin, guys." - Jongdae smiles and turns back to the door, slowly walking toward it to reach for the handle.

"Jongdae, wait! So you're not going to stay here?" - Minseok worriedly asks.

The manager cannot leave him alone like this.

"I'm afraid not. These fans have paid a lot for this meetup just because of its privacy, so not any staff or security guard can be here. But don't worry, we have guards outside. If anything goes wrong, they will interfere immediately." - The manager apologetically looks at Minseok while explaining why he couldn't stay with the gravure idol.

Before Minseok can even react, as if being afraid he's not going to let Jongdae go, the manager quickly puts his hand on the doorknob and turns, finally disappearing behind the room door.

Now it's only Minseok and the fans. He then takes a deep breath before finally positioning himself between two familiar looking dudes. It turns out that they have been in the fan meeting the previous days, have even exchanged a few words with Minseok. One looks like he's a college student or someone in their 20s, and another one slightly older, probably a thirty-something man.

The gravure idol then quickly averts his eyes around the room, carefully counting how many people are gathered here today. It seems like approximately fifteen fans or more are occupying the room, spreading out on red leather couches, fixing their gazes entirely on Minseok. Feel likes the fans’ eyes are following his every movement, Minseok's expressions alternate systematically between cheerful responses to the fans and anxious little glances around the lounge.

Suddenly a man, maybe in his thirties, takes out a white lace choker with floral pattern, timidly asks if he can put it on Minseok's neck for him. Taken aback, but also cannot refuse, Minseok has no choice but to nod his head in return.

"It would look so pretty on you. I bought this choker especially for this event and I can't wait to see you wearing it". - The man takes his seat next to the gravure idol, his warm breath lightly ghosts over Minseok's cheeks, his large hands frame the delicate throat of the tiny man beside. The skin at the nape of Minseok's neck is velvety smooth and warm in the cool of the room, and his scent smells of baby powder, sweet and addicting.

Can't get enough, the middle-aged fan traces his rough fingers along the ample skin of Minseok's dainty neck, enjoying how the choker he brought complements the tiny man's fair complexion.

"Lace looks really good on you" - The voice beside Minseok says, and he has to gather all his strength not to shiver in disgust. Minseok flinches at the unfamiliar touch, contemplating whether or not he should push the hands creeping on bare skin away.

"Our Xiumin looks best with lace or mesh. Those fabrics complement his innocent demeanor" - Another man concludes, eyes boring right through Minseok with such intense, lustful gaze.

At this point Minseok can already feel the atmosphere around him and the fans has somewhat changed. The men sitting near him have gone quiet with their attention completely focusing on Minseok, his expression, his every move, the lace choker placed on his slim neck.

"You smell amazingly good, Xiumin" - Suddenly a man shifts closer to Minseok, sniffing his body odor while tucking a strand of hair behind Minseok's ears.

Getting more and more anxious by how abnormally close these men are to him, and how some of them start reaching out for his hands or slightly stroking his cheeks, the gravure idol can feel the anxiety slowly creeping up his spine. His breath shortens and his mouth dries. 

"Xiuminnie, would you like to do us a favor?" - A man, Minseok recognizes him as one of the fanclub's leader, breaks the silence by his question.

"What... What favor?" - To which the gravure idol nervously asks in return.

The other man slowly takes out from his backpack a penis shaped lollipop, one that looks exactly like the candy Minseok used to suck on enthusiastically in his second movie.

"We're just wondering... if you can eat this candy for us to see. Don't bite it though, lick it. Make a show out of it." - And by saying this, the man rolls his tongue around his lips.

There is no way on earth Minseok would agree to his request. No. Fucking. Way. He can do anything for the fans, can let them touch him as much as they want, he can bear through all the humiliation and harassment.

But not this. Never this.

Seeing Minseok is still hesitating, the fan sitting next to him brings the dildo-looking candy close to Minseok’s lips, as if urging him to dart his tongue out and taste it. Minseok, however, still stubbornly keeps his mouth sternly shut.

"Come on, kitty, lick it. We know you love it." - Another man standing in front of him impatiently coerces, hand reaching down to his large bulge.

The fact that these men get turned on by the very sight of Minseok and a dick-shaped candy is even more disgusting.

"You don't want to disappoint your fans, do you?" - A voice beside him says.

He doesn't, but he also cannot do this. This is harassment, a different kind as compared to the vulgar messages Minseok has been receiving on the Internet, but nonetheless still manages to trigger his anxiety.

"I... I cannot do this. I just can't." - Minseok weakly protests as the candy is pressed hard against his lips. Out of a sudden he experiences severe derealization, which is pretty much a feeling of being out of his body. Minseok gets dizzy and starts having visional snow, as if he's looking at his surroundings through a fuzzy television screen. His legs are tingling, shaking, his stomach hurts and his chest aches. Minseok's heart rapidly beats as if it's trying to break through his chest, and his breath shortens to the point he has to gasp for air.

Panic attack.

Minseok thinks he will definitely faint within a few minutes, or die, or faint then die. Whatever the case, he's already done for.

However, there is sound of the entrance door being opened abruptly and an angry, loud voice startles Minseok.

"Get your damn filthy hands out of him!"

Even though it's hard to concentrate or to even take a closer look at the person, he has a feeling, an instinct that it's none other than his favorite personal bodyguard.

The one with a smile so gentle it could warm his heart.

And he is right. 

Through blurred vision and a throbbing headache, however, Minseok still recognizes the bodyguard by his distinct voice and his figure.

Next thing Minseok knows, the man seated beside him is suddenly knocked over by a hard punch, and that blood starts running down from the guy's wounded, abused lips. The fan clings onto the table leg, trying his best to stand up but once again another blow comes, totally knocking him down. He then curls up in pain on the floor while several hard kicks are aimed at his stomach. As a result, facing Minseok now is the figure of a man hunching his shoulder in agony, eyes bruised and face swollen.

"Stop it! You may kill him." - Another fan raises his voice in concern as he tries to approach the man on the floor, hands reaching out in an attempt to get the other man up.

"You have no fucking right to order me around." - The bodyguard, voice still enraged, growls while kicking the guy on the floor several more times, making the other dude become such a whining mess under him.

Everything happens too fast and too abrupt, so before Minseok even acknowledges what's currently going on, a hand already grasps his arm and pulls him toward the opening door. The two of them, Minseok still in confusion and the bodyguard with gritted teeth, starts half-running, half-walking out of the pub and toward a nearby coffee shop.

It is until both of them are finally seated in a quiet, far-away corner of the café, that Minseok can finally realize what he's been experiencing earlier is a panic attack, and he is so close to collapsing if the other man hasn't barged into the room and saved him.

However, Minseok's heart is still racing and this time, with the sudden realization that he just ran away from a fan meetup, fear and anxious worries start filling up his mind. Negative, self-blaming voices echoes in his head, and Minseok feels like his world is slowly falling apart. He has trouble breathing again as if he is currently trapped in a tiny, stuffy closet. Minseok's heart keeps beating faster as seconds go by. It's even to the point his chest experiences the worst pain ever. He curls up on the chair with both hands around his knees, shaking and shivering constantly.

Farewell his career. 

Farewell his two-floor apartment and the bedroom with wall-length windows. 

When he comes back to the company, Jongin would definitely prepare a resignation letter for him to sign.

"Listen, now I need you to raise your hand above your head and breathe with me. Look at me and breathe while I do." - The bodyguard slips his hand beneath the other man's chin and tips his face upward, forcing Minseok to face him and to follow his action.

The gravure idol, even though still in confusion, imitates the man sitting across from him, from raising his hand multiple times to taking deep, even breath in between. After a while, the simple, physically tiring task and the slow breathing pattern finally put Minseok's tensed body at ease. He can now breathe normally and can feel his heart stops racing. It's until then 

"It seems like the panic attack is leaving you. I'm glad" - The bodyguard grins.

"Thank... thank you so much." - Minseok mumbles, face burning hot because of the embarrassment. It's the very first time a stranger sees him in his most vulnerable state like this, and to be honest Minseok is slightly flustered because of the fact.

"I'll go order something for us to drink." - The man says while getting out of his seat, heading toward the counter.

Minseok is glad the guy finally leaves him alone because having social anxiety, feeling the man's stares on him only makes the gravure idol extremely self-conscious. At least now he can start gathering his thoughts together, and to think of how to deal with Jongdae and Jongin when he returns to the company.

Fresh coffee aroma occupied the air and the relaxing violin piece playing in the background gradually put Minseok's racing thoughts as ease. He slowly lets his guard down, fists unclenching, lips relaxing and parting as his breathing evens out.

The bodyguard comes back after around fifteen minutes.

"Take a sip. I figure out you need something sweet and warm at this point" - The other man smiles while pushing a cup of hot chocolate toward Minseok.

"Thanks." - He bashfully replies.

"How are you feeling right now? Better?" - The man asks worriedly.

To which he answers with just a simple:

"I... I guess."

"Then I'm glad"

Both of them fall into silence. Minseok, still busily thinking about how to face Jongin and to keep his job, doesn't realize a pair of eyes that have been following his every expression, and an intense stare that seems to never leave his face.

"You're worried about something. What is it?" - The man finally breaks the quiet atmosphere.

"How to keep my job?" - Minseok weakly laughs - "I mean that's really obvious after the fiasco I caused today at the fan meeting."

"I'm the one who caused it, not you. I beat that fan up, remember? Then the person that should be worried right now is me." - The man finishes his sentence with a chuckle, which is so odd to Minseok because it's definitely not something worth laughing about.

"Anyway, your manager just gave me a call when I was ordering our drinks, and he just asked about your condition and told me he's on his way to pick you up. I mean, if they want to blame you or to fire you, they wouldn't ask about your whereabout, am I right?" - The bodyguard not so subtly winks at him, the goofy grin never leaves his face.

And yes, once again the man is right.

"I... I think so. Thank you for telling me that." - He says sheepishly, but then his eyebrows furrow in concern again. - "But how about you?"

"Me? I guess I was fired ever since I barged into the room despite your manager's attempt to hold me back" - The man bursts into laughing, even though what he just revealed to Minseok is nowhere near funny.

"Jongdae did what? And how can you not worry when you said you were... fired?" - Minseok exclaims in disbelief. 

"It's okay. I can always find another job. Don't worry about me. What's important right now is your condition, are you getting better? Does your chest still hurt?" - The man goes back to being concerned after talking about him being unemployed like it's nothing.

An incontrollable heat rushes to Minseok's face after realizing how much this man cares about him, and that he even dares to sacrifice his job just so he can save the gravure idol.

"You don't have to do that, you know? Taking me out of that place." - He timidly says after a long pause.

"So you mean I have to leave you alone with your panic attack and those pervert old men? My job is to protect you, remember?" - The man lets out a small chuckle, clearly amazed by Minseok's statement.

"Not anymore. You already lost your job." - Minseok replies, feeling the sense of guilt in his voice. His head hangs low. 

"Don't feel bad for me. I mean security guards lose job on a daily basis because of whom they have to fight in order to protect their clients. So yeah, I get used to it already." - The man smiles, all the while taking off the sunglasses he has been wearing nonstop since day one.

If Minseok already thinks the other man is attractive with his pleasantly warm voice and his radiant smile, then the pair of wonderfully expressive, sparkling, doe eyes that are staring at him right now can as well steal his breath away.

The bodyguard is drop dead gorgeous, with brunette hair pushed back, straight pointed nose, long thick eyelashes that perfectly frame his beautiful dark eyes. Minseok suddenly feels extremely self-conscious. The man whom he secretly admires, who has been protecting and saving him on multiple occasions, has a face so perfect it can be mistaken for lots of idols, charming and dazzling. 

And as if god decides to pull a prank on Minseok, the bodyguard's handsomeness is also his type, like totally, definitely his type.

It doesn't help that a guy this good-looking not only saw Minseok having a panic attack, but also Minseok surrounded by creepy old men, Minseok wearing mesh stockings and paper-thin wife beater and cat ear headband. 

In terms of first good impression, Minseok is completely sure he already fails.

"Can I borrow your cellphone?" - The man sitting across from him offers his hand. Minseok, still dazed by how charming the man is, immediately hands his phone over. 

"I think since I'm not your personal bodyguard anymore. I may as well give you something to contact me in case you need help or are in trouble with the fans." After entering something into the device, the guy gives Minseok back his cell.

On the bright screen of the phone, appeared a series of phone number and a name.

Lu Han.

Finally Minseok can get the man's real name without even asking.

"Seems like your manager finally arrives. Call me whenever you need my protection, Xiumin" - The other man not so subtly winks at Minseok before bidding him goodbye.

Looking at the figure gradually disappearing behind the entrance door, Minseok brings his hands over his chest, feeling the rapid beats his heart is making and how his cheeks flushes to the color of red brick.

However, he completely forgot asking Lu Han the most important question.

How does a bodyguard know what he was experiencing later are signs of a panic attack?


	5. Stalker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of sexual harassment, stalking, pedophilic thoughts that may trigger some people

Known as lonelyman08 on many social platforms, the 35-year-old, unemployed man hurriedly opens his laptop just so he won't be late for Xiumin's live streaming of the day. It has been quite a long time since the gravure idol live streamed for the fans, almost over three months as far as he remembers. Some dudes from Xiumin's reddit forum told him that an incident happened during one of the fan meetings held on March, and ever since then Xiumin's company has been putting the idol on a long hiatus. However, none of the fans he knows of has a clue of what actually led to that decision. There's a rumor going around that a fan was beaten up badly by one of Xiumin's bodyguards. Unfortunately, since there's also no evidence to back up this gossip, the rumor dies out as quickly as how it has begun.

Nonetheless, the thirty-something man doesn't care much about that, as long as Xiumin will finally live stream again today at 5:00pm. Old, jobless, poor and worst of all, queer, the middle aged man has a hard time finding himself a one-night stand at the local gay bar, let alone dating or finally settling down with any man his age.

Actually, that isn't right either. The dude has realized from a long time ago that he is only sexually attracted to young boys ranging from 15 to 18-year-old. Being unable to date any teenager doesn't stop the old man from fantasizing about them, having steamy dreams of pounding into them. Luckily adult entertainment and Japanese shotacon culture are enough to satisfy his wildest fantasy, even though sometimes the man couldn't help but have inappropriate thoughts toward any middle schooler that catches his eyes on the street.

That was until a gravure idol named Xiumin made his appearance in the gay porn industry, and for the first time ever, lonelyman08 feels like he has found someone worth jerking off to every night. The idol isn't a porn star, which is such a shame, and as a result gay dedicated fans of him from all around the world are urging his company to finally debut him as a porn actor. Having a youthful, childish face that can easily be mistaken for a 15-year-old boy, it also doesn't help that Xiumin's company loves dressing him up in teenager clothes or revealing costumes. The man also acts and speaks with a cute, innocent demeanor that certainly does not go with his age, probably the porn company's tactic of building up an underaged image for Xiumin.

And it's definitely a lie to say this does not bring them huge success. Ever since Xiumin was introduced to the porn industry, sales of his DVDs go up in minutes and it doesn't take long until his fandom finally reaches millions. Being termed as "legal shota", the gravure idol not only attracts gay men in general but also dudes who have pedophile fetish like lonelyman08. The fan is a typical representation of people who love Xiumin solely because of his boyish appearance.

In short, the idol came in at the right time to satisfy the man's sexual desire for minor boys, which he has been trying his hardest to suppress over the past years. It's safer being a normal fanboy of the gravure idol than actually admitting he has pedophile tendency. It's also less money consuming buying merchandises and DVDs of a Korean gravure idol than purchasing shota products from oversea. With that being said, the middle aged man who calls himself lonelyman08 has been a hardcore fan of Xiumin for over several months now.

And today will be his day of seeing the pretty boy again.

Xiumin's live stream starts shortly after the clock's hour-hand reaches number 5, and the gravure idol appears in a v-neck sweater that exposes the porcelain skin of his chest. The sweatshirt seems to be too big for his petite from, judging from the way it casually slips off one of the idol's shoulders, revealing his jutting collarbones. The outfit is simple and casual yet still manages to emit a sexy aura. It doesn't take long till the thirty-something man is completely captivated by the way Xiumin speaks and smiles, his fingers already dancing above the keyboard, trying to type out as many compliments as possible in order to catch the gravure idol's attention.

love_Xiumin  
hey xiumin why did you disappear over the past month?

unicorn071091  
can you sing your favorite song?

윤아  
hey fangirl here

Xiuminism  
xiumin looks so beautiful today, i like your sweater

김민준  
can you wink to the camera

lonelyman08  
I love you I love you I love you I love you

loneyman08  
Can you wish me a happy birthday, today is my special day

7_lu_m  
Hello! How have you been Xiumin?

lonelyman08  
sing me a birthday song too i love hearing you sing

lonelyman08  
pls your birthday wish means a lot to me

However, minutes pass by and it seems like Xiumin just picks out very few responses from fans to answer, including the question from that annoying account 7_lu_m and a request from unicorn071091. He totally ignores the middle aged fan's attempt of grabbing his attention, all the while completely brushes off the many messages asking him to send a birthday wish.

unicorn071091  
your voice is so nice

lonelyman08  
can you wish me a happy birthday xiuminssi

김민준  
hes really cute

7_lu_m  
I'm glad you're doing well

lonelyman08  
why are you ignoring me

lonelyman08  
HEYYY

The man feels angry, and betrayed, and most of all, disappointed. Xiumin has never neglected him like this. In the past, even though there were like three messages sent to the live stream chatbox every second, the gravure idol still managed to answer those that came up too frequently. And most importantly, no matter how busy he was with all the questions from fans, Xiumin had always answered lonelyman08. As if the idol himself remembered what nicknames that appeared too often, he only missed messages sent from the man occasionally, and only when the chatbox was extremely crowded.

Nevertheless, the fans that joined the live stream today aren't even up to a hundred, and just one-half of them are active in the chat, there is no way Xiumin can skip lonelyman08's repeated messages. There is no proper explanation for this sudden indifference toward the old fan, especially when other fans in the chat still steal the gravure idol away.

Xiumin's action is totally rude and unacceptable, in the eyes of the thirty-year-old man.

He doesn't know why but he has a feeling his gravure idol has been paying special attention to just 7_lu_m and sometimes unicorn071091, ever since the two of them took turn talking about inappropriate comments on the idol's YouTube channel. At first it was just subtle sign, like the way the idol's eyes lighted up every time 7_lu_m's nickname appeared in the chatbox, or when he got any request from the account. However, the longer lonelyman08 pays attention to Xiumin's facial expression whenever 7_lu_m types something in the chat, the more certain he is that the idol is biased toward that particular fan.

And the man, frustrated, sees this as a betrayal, because how dare Xiumin neglect the fan who has been nothing but loyal to him, who once used all his allowance for a month just to buy the latest plastic figure that takes the form of the gravure idol.

He has thought Xiumin treats all his fans equally, and is always happy with the little attention the gravure idol gives him on his live broadcast. Now the man even doubts his own loyalty. He still loves the idol and still sees his DVDs as masturbate material, but he's just too enraged and saddened to think straight right now.

lonelyman08  
You betrayed my love for you, Xiumin. you ignore me while saving all your attention to the other fans

lonelyman08  
youre such a fox, a slut who preys on men like me

lonelyman08  
i cant forgive you

lonelyman08  
fucking whore answer me

Before the man even has the time to type out his next profanity, he receives a popup message saying lonelyman08 can no longer send message to the chatbox or read messages from others.

He was banned from the live stream.

The middle aged fan has never been treated this bad in all of his livecast session with the gravure idol. For a moment the man even thinks about filing a complaint to Xiumin's company, because he doesn't pay that much money just to get nothing but disappointment in return. Even though joining the live broadcast is totally free, the fan has poured not a small amount of money into supporting Xiumin ever since the idol just debuted.

And in exchange, getting ignored and banned from the chat are all that he gets.

Anger alone cannot describe how bitter the man is feeling right now. As a result, he decides to act on his outrage.

The middle aged man has a habit of recording Xiumin's live stream since the idol refuses to upload the full video of his live broadcast. It only takes him a few minutes browsing several old recordings to find out that Xiumin always filmed himself in front of his apartment's balcony, and if the man enlarges the screen, the backside of the LED sign outside the wall-length window appears to have the accommodation's name and address written on in reverse.

However, the pixelated words are extremely hard to recognize, let alone read and understand what they mean. The man then attempted to search all the characters that have similar shapes in order to guess what the name of the apartment can be.

"Let see, if I reverse these words it would read Mi Rae accommodation? Mi Dae... Mi Ae... Mi Mae? What can it be?" - The fan mutters to himself while going over several possible names he can come up with.

Opening up another tab for a website called "High-end apartment in Seoul", the man comes to the decision that he would look up every result that begins with the syllable "Mi" on the site, and then compares photos of the apartment's interior to the room Xiumin is living at. If he's lucky, it won't take long till the fan can finally figure out the home address of the gravure idol.

"39 results, well that's a lot" - Lonelyman08 lets out a huge sigh. Nonetheless, he still has a whole night to investigate this and to be honest, just the thought about knowing where Xiumin lives makes his heart beat ten times faster.

He just can't wait to pay the gravure idol a visit once he already finds out.

To narrow down the search results, the man came up with several characteristics of the apartment he wants to find. Firstly, it must have a huge red LED sign hung on one side of the accommodation, and that side must have windows on. Secondly, location wise there seems to be two-floored villa located opposite from where Xiumin is staying at, judging from how one-half of the villa always appears outside the room's window. Finally, the gravure idol always films his live cast videos late in the afternoon, and the sunset is often caught behind the window, so the apartment must be in the southern area.

With all those information the man has gathered from examining Xiumin's live stream recordings, the man starts cutting down the results from 39 to 16, 16 to 8, and at the end from 8 to just three. It's hard to compare the accommodation's interior design to the inside of Xiumin's room because he just cannot get the full view of the room. However, with just three options left, it is just a matter of time before a fan like him easily figures out which house the gravure idol is living at. He doesn't have the real name of Xiumin, so it would be impossible to ask the receptionist, but he's sure of one thing: Xiumin doesn't go out often and always prefers to stay at home. That's what the gravure idol revealed in one of his vlogs, and the fan still remembers that trivia vividly.

Unless Xiumin has lied, which seems to be unlikely, then the middle-aged fan just has to ask all neighbors that are living on the second floor which homeowner they rarely see, he would be able to jolt down the list of buildings from three to just two or one.

After that, with just a little stalking and lurking around the corner, finding out exactly what room Xiumin stays at is just a matter of time.

Before being fired for sexually harassing a high schooler while being on duty, the thirty-year-old fan, or one can call lonelyman08, was once a local police. Years of being a cop has trained him well and now those experiences can finally be put into good use. Satisfied with what he found, the man smirks in his arrogant triumph.

\---

Minseok has been staring at his cellphone for almost ten minutes. He presses Jongdae's numbers just to tap on 'cancel', and then presses the phone number again, and then cancels. This goes on several times until the gravure idol comes to the conclusion that he's such a coward, can't even make a call to his manager asking why the company hasn't allowed him to work yet.

He's been put on a long hiatus ever since the fan meeting incident. At first, Yixing - his therapist - made a big fuss saying the panic attack can affect his recovery from the anxiety, and demanded a few week's rest for Minseok. The psychologist even threatened Jongin when talking about contract violation, and that the company has to be responsible for anything that may triggers his anxiety and affect his healing process. At the end, Jongin had to comply with Yixing's request, and gave Minseok a hiatus just so he can recover from the panic attack.

However, the man also didn't say how long he had to quit working. And now it's already been over three months, quite a long period of time for just a simple recovery, and Minseok starts getting worried.

He's not a regular employee and Jongin is not his normal boss. His contract with the company is similar to those singers or artists have to sign with their entertainment corporation, and the salary he gets every month is 30% of the movie's physical sales, 5% of the merchandises' sales, and 5% of all the promotions. If there's no DVDs coming out or any promotion at all, it means what he  gets per month is just 5% of all the income earned from selling merchandises.

Which is such a small amount to cover his apartment's monthly rent and utilities bills. Minseok has moved to a luxury apartment located in Gangnam not so long ago, and to be honest, any house in this district is not something a normal blue collar worker can afford. If he was the poor freelancer from several months ago, Minseok couldn't even dream of renting a room in Gangnam, let alone living in a luxury apartment for such a long time.

But now he can, and Minseok has a feeling what Jongin has been doing is a way of showing the gravure idol who's actually in power. The CEO didn't fire Minseok, but putting him on such a long rest with no definite time is no doubt a threat. A gravure idol cannot be on a hiatus for over half a year, otherwise when he comes back no fan would remember him. As a result, he has no choice but to resume his live streaming session lately, just so his fans wouldn't be so upset about the disappearance of Xiumin. Nevertheless, what's even weirder is that this time Minseok plans out a live broadcast on his own, yet Jongdae or Jongin still hasn't said anything about it. Normally it's the company's job to give him script for filming vlogs or doing livecast, so Minseok guesses they must have a say when he suddenly live streams without at least noticing them.

However, there is no call from his manager or the company at all, as if they completely neglect Minseok.

As if he's no longer their gravure idol.

Adding up to his already bad luck is the rumor that Jongin's company has been training several new male gravure idols to replace his place. This is like the final drop to a glass that has been filled to the brim, and Minseok just has no choice but to have a talk with Jongdae, or Jongin if he dares, to save himself from the unlimited hiatus.

The conversation with Jongdae turns out to be a waste of time, since even the manager doesn't have a clue of why Minseok has to rest for so long.

"I tried to ask Jongin several times but the guy just said you need time to recover, otherwise it would be a violation to the contract you signed." - Jongdae shrugs while telling Minseok Jongin's reasons for putting him on hiatus.

"But like, you do realize too don't you, that it's already over three months now and I have yet received a script for any new movie, when in the past new DVDs of me had to be released every month" - Minseok says in frustration. He refuses to believe that Jongdae actually doesn't have a clue, in fact he may know what's going on inside the CEO's head have but still choose not to let Minseok know.

"I don't know, Minseok. I'm as clueless as you. Maybe it's just because Jongin want you to be fully rested before starting to work again, in case the panic attack may return?" - The manager raises his voice in concern.

"I don't think so. If he let me get off from work for just a few weeks then I may buy your words, but it's over three months now Jongdae. I'm living in Gangnam and the monthly payment from the merchandises sales alone just barely cover my rent and expenses." - Minseok exclaims.

"Well, why don't you go see Jongin himself and ask the CEO about it?" - Jongdae suggests.

The manager is right, however. The root of his problem is Jongin's decision, and no one can help him getting out of this situation except the boss himself.

Still, it's a lie to say the gravure idol isn't anxious just thinking about the possibility of seeing the CEO again. The last time he did, he had to agree being on a three-day fan meeting which resulted in a cascade of several unfortunate events. Minseok isn't even sure what awaits him after his next discussion with Jongin.

\---

The inside of the office remains the same, and Jongin still wears a the same friendly expression and has a slightly tilted head which seems to lean forward Minseok with sympathy. However, if he was the naive employee from months ago, he would be fooled by this welcoming demeanor. Jongin is anything but nice.

"I heard Jongdae said you want to have a talk with me?" - The man sitting opposite from Minseok initiates the conversation.

"I do." - Minseok tries to swallow the non existent saliva in his dry mouth before continuing - "I... I have a question about my hiatus."

"Well, what question do you have today for me?" - Jongin raises his eyebrow.

"Don't you think it's a little too long for me to take a time off from work? I mean it's almost four months now, and I already recovered so I just wonder--"

"Wonder if you can start working again?" - The CEO suddenly interrupts.

Minseok has no word to reply, Jongin's question catches him off guard, so he just solemnly nods his head in return.

"And here I thought you and your therapist were so insisted on having a break, so I give in to the request and give you plenty of time to rest and recover, and now you come back saying you want to work?" - Jongin asks. There's a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Y... yes, you can say so" - Minseok replies, head hanging low. He doesn't know what direction this conversation is heading to, but Minseok is sure of one thing, he's afraid of whatever topic the boss will bring up.

"What if I told you I want you to rest more, preferably several more months so that when you make a come back, no fan would recognize Xiumin as there are more male gravure idols making their debuts" - The boss calmly says, his lips wearing a sickening smile.

"You can't do that!" - Minseok almost yells back but quickly readjusts his voice to make it less threatening. The last thing he wants to do right now is accidentally upsetting his boss.

"But I already put you on hiatus, didn't I?" - Just like the previous meeting Minseok had with Jongin, the CEO resumes his malicious attack, and to be honest the cunning smirk on his face infuriates the gravure idol just as much as his words.

Right at that moment, Minseok finally realizes what Jongin has been trying to do. Instead of just firing him, keeping the gravure idol by his side but basically freezing all the man's activities in the porn industry sound like better ideas.

And if anyone questions this decision, the CEO can easily blame it all on Minseok and the fact that he needs recovery from the panic attack. No one would ever doubt Xiumin's disappearance from the industry and once new film of him is released again, probably half or all his fans already left him due to the long hiatus.

But why is Jongin doing this to Minseok?

Is this some kind of punishment he has to take just for letting that perverted fan get beaten up?

The gravure idol, however, can't voice this question out. Instead he takes several deep breath before mouthing the one word Minseok has thought he would never say in front of Jongin.

But in time like this, he has no choice but to give in.

"I'm sorry" - Minseok mumbles, and an inner voice inside his head worriedly adds "Be more apologetic", so he complies - "It was my fault I followed the bodyguard to run away when the incident happened, and it was also my fault I didn't try to stop him from beating that fan up."

"You're sorry?" - Jongin's eyes glisten with excitement.

"I am." - Minseok continues as he lowers his gaze to the floor, trying his hardest to hide the teardrops that are starting to form in the corner of his eyes. Never in his life Minseok has to beg a man who's actually at fault to forgive him, and to apologize when he has done nothing wrong. - "I know you have to spend quite a lot of money to buy the silence from the fans there, as well as compensation for the one who was beaten. It's all my fault that I can't even stop the bodyguard and I'm deeply sorry."

In return there's no response from Jongin this time, as for a moment heavy breathing from Minseok is the only sound filling up the silence.

It takes the CEO almost five minutes, just sitting still and fixing his gaze on Minseok, to finally open his mouth to reply.

"Well, it seems like I underestimate you, you understand the situation more quickly than I thought." - Jongin's lips start to pull up in a wicked smirk - "But don't you think a simple apology is too little? For what I have done to cover up that incident for you, and also how much money I have to pay so that the victim and the fans themselves can't even reveal anything to the press."

Minseok knows all, but he also knows those money is definitely not for him. It's for the company itself and for protecting Xiumin's image so that next time, Jongin can hold several other fan meetings and the fans would excitedly attend like nothing has ever happened.

And now the boss is talking as if he has earned Minseok a huge favor.

"Not a long time ago Baekhyun asked me if it would be fine for me to masturbate in the upcoming movie, and I have yet gave him answer" - Minseok feels in the pocket of his coat, finds a paper napkin and wipes his clammy hands on it out of nervousness - "So I just wonder, if I agree to masturbate for the movie, would it be okay for me to start working again? I'm sure the sales of that movie would be enough to repay any compensation you have to spend for me. Fans have been wanting me to do that since a long time ago."

"Good deal." - Jongin replies with a satisfied smirk. - "You're smarter than I thought, Minseok." - At the corner of his somber lips appears a crease of amusement.

Minseok feels helpless, frustrated and most of all, disappointed at himself. Each time he pays Jongin a visit, the gravure idol always has to come back with an agreement he has never wanted to make.

He can only blame on how cunning the CEO is, and how he understands the boss too well but still can't come up with any possible way to help himself.

\---

Some may call Minseok paranoid, but lately he has a feeling someone is following him around. At first, it seems like Minseok just accidentally bumps into the same old man wearing a black hoodie and a blue mouth mask everywhere he goes to, from the convenient store to the subway. However, there are tons of people clad in black hoodie or mouth mask walking down the street everyday, so Minseok is not quite worried. Most of the time, he just brushes it off as merely strange coincidence.

Until that man keeps appearing out of Minseok's eye corner whenever he leaves the house, no matter what time it is and no matter where he is going to. He's not good at remembering people's appearances, but this man with his signature blue mask and his short figure seem to never leave Minseok's mind. Sometimes he would calm himself down by reasoning that the man he sees everywhere can be different people accidentally wearing the same outfit. Nonetheless, as Minseok catches himself bumping into the man almost everywhere and at every different time of the day, he slowly leans toward the possibility that he's been followed around.

And if that doesn't freak the poor man with anxiety out, Minseok doesn't know what could.

There's one time he pretends to walk around several blocks of houses in circle with the familiar man strolling along the street behind his back, just to make sure whether he's being stalked or not. Minseok has hoped to see that man make another turn and disappear behind a corner, just so he can laugh at himself for being anxious over nothing.

But that man doesn't make any turn. The guy keeps walking just a few inches away from Minseok's for almost an hour without noticing he's being led around in circle.

It's like a confirmation that yes, Minseok has a stalker and that this person may or may not be one of his loyal perverted fans. The gravure idol then comes to a conclusion that a dedicated fan may recognize him when he's going for a walk outside, and instead of approaching and asking for a signature like any other normal fan, that person decides to be a creep and ends up following Minseok around.

Thinking back, he starts acknowledging the existence of this weirdo since around three weeks ago, and this realization freaks Minseok out because it may mean the man has been stalking him for almost a month.

He wonders if that person knows where he's living at as well.

As a result, Minseok leaves his house less often out of the fear that stalker may have ulterior motive toward him. He also asks the accommodation's manager to change his padlock and key just in case the person has successfully found a way to unlock his door. Minseok starts locking all his windows as well as letting down all the curtains at night in fear of being watched.

However, no matter how many things he has done to lesson his worry of being stalked, Minseok still wakes up multiple times in the middle of the night, throat hoarse and back covered in cold sweats. He starts having a few nightmares at well, and in some of the dream Minseok sees himself getting kidnapped or cornered by the same dude that got beaten up in the fan meeting.

Is there a possibility of that guy following him around to get his revenge?

Minseok isn't the one who beat that guy, but he's the cause of it and even agrees to run away with the bodyguard. The fans may find it hard to hate on a total stranger like Lu Han, but they can easily put the blame on him - the gravure idol that turned his back to them.

It also doesn't help that Minseok has been nurturing an existent, invisible fear toward some of his fans, those who tried to grope him and forced him to lick a penis-shaped candy for them, those who sexually abuse him on the daily basis by sending vulgar messages to his YouTube inbox.

And now even one of them stalks him around for almost a month with a motive Minseok still hasn't figured out yet. More than often, Minseok is jolted awake at two or three in the morning by the sudden fear of being observed in his sleep, and as a result he can't go back to sleep until he already checks out all the locks and windows around the house. The anxiety is eating him alive and before Minseok knows it, lack of sleep and loss in appetite result in dark circles under his tired eyes and several sleepless, weary nights. He has tried to report to the polices many times, but all Minseok gets is just a couple of advices since he can't describe how the stalker looks like, and also can't provide actual evidences of him being followed around.

At the end, the gravure idol has no choice but to live with fear when the stalker is still out there, trying to watch his every movement.

\---

After Minseok's door lock and key were completely replaced with a new different pair, Minseok has thought he is finally safe from the stalker just by staying at home.

Little did he know he was dead wrong.

It's half pass eleven in the evening, and Minseok is showering under the hot, soothing water. His tensed muscles relax and the tension of the day seems to be washed away by the steamy spray. However, one disadvantage of being under a shower is that he can't actually hear what's going on outside the bathroom. Minseok's ears are soon filled with sounds of water splashing on his bare body and crashing against the tiled floor.

So as a matter of fact, he doesn't notice the loud click of his door being unlocked and the echoes of several footsteps bouncing off the wall.

It is until there's another metallic sound of the bathroom door knob being turned around and then aruptly opened, that Minseok is finally snapped out of his relaxed state. His eyes open wide and it just takes a quick glance around the bathroom to spot a shadowy figure behind the shower curtain.

"Who are you?" - Minseok screams, and as quick as how it appears, the figure makes a rapid run toward the entrance of the house before the gravure idol even gathers enough time to catch the intruder.

Minseok hurriedly puts on his shorts as he steps outside the bathroom in an attempt of running after the stalker. Unfortunately, he is too slow while person is too fast. There is no sight of the other man in the hallway when Minseok finally reaches his main door and takes a look outside.

Nonetheless, after all the adrenalines eventually go away and leave room for anxiety to kick in, that's when Minseok starts freaking out.

He has thought changing locks would ensure his safety inside the house, turns out the stalker has a way of unlocking any kind of normal lock the guy can encounter.

If the intruder can open the door to his house and break in that easily, there's no doubt Minseok isn't even safe staying at his own home right now.

Thought about calling the police and reporting the event flashes his mind. However, before Minseok presses one on speed dial, suddenly a familiar name pops up.

Lu Han. The bodyguard who leaves him his phone number a long time ago.

Truth be told, after that incident at the fan meeting, Minseok has never made any call or texted Lu Han. Part of him feels extremely guilty for being the reason the guy lost his job, another part always gets anxious and self-conscious just thinking about talking with Lu Han or texting the man. As a result, he simply gives up and never does anything with the phone number. Months go by and when Minseok thinks back about it, a huge wave of regret washes over him as the gravure idol realizes his chance of striking a conversation with the nice, handsome bodyguard is already gone.

If he cannot make a call to say thanks shortly after his encounter with Lu Han, then several months later it's basically impossible getting to know the man. Sometimes flirting needs correct timing, and Minseok, due to being ridiculously shy, totally misses that good chance of making friend with Lu Han.

However, just right now the gravure idol finally thinks of a perfect reason for calling the bodyguard. Figuring out that Lu Han may not recognize his phone number since he never makes a call back to the man, Minseok retrieves his cellphone to type out a quick text.

From: Minseok  
To: Lu Han  
Hey I just wonder if you remember me but I'm the gravure idol you has to guard a couple months ago at a fan meeting, the one who has a panic attack and that you have to take me to a coffee shop, remember? So uhm there's a stalker that has been following me around for approximately a month now, and today that someone broke into the house while I was showering and he just runs away, but I'm afraid the guy may come back so can you like... come over and help me switch the door lock into something more advanced and hard to unlock. I know it's almost midnight now and you may already go to bed but I'm so scared right now, the intruder can come back any minute and I'm freaking out. Also you're a security guard so I guess you must know well about locks.

After Minseok presses the send button, it only takes a few seconds until the phone signals an incoming call from no one but the bodyguard himself. Surprised and a little nervous, Minseok accepts the call.

"Hello Lu Han. It's Minseok" - He timidly introduces.

"Are you okay? Did the guy finally go away? Did he do anything to you? What's your home address so that I can come over immediately?" - Lu Han worriedly says and judging from the way multiple questions are suddenly thrown at Minseok, the gravure idol can't help but blush hard in return.

The bodyguard really cares about him.

"House number 1708, Mi Dae accommodation, Samseong-dong, Gangnam." - Minseok quickly gives the man his home address.

"It may take me fifteen minutes, but I'll try to get there as fast as possible, okay? Now I gotta go. See you later." - Lu Han hurriedly replies. Sound of clothes shuffling can easily be heard from the other line of the phone, so Minseok guesses the man must be in the middle of getting dressed while holding the phone close to his ears.

"Okay, I'm fine here, don't worry. Take your time Lu Han" - He hangs up, and a warm sensation slowly creeps into his chest and down to his heart, making Minseok unconsciously smile.

Never in his life Minseok meets a person who cares about him this much despite being a totally stranger to him.

And he is extremely grateful for this random act of kindness.

\---

Lu Han told him it would take around fifteen minutes to come over, but the man is already knocking on his door a short time after Minseok hung up the phone. Opening the door, appearing in front of him is a man clad in a black muscle shirt that has a skull printed in front of it, with a jean jacket covering his shoulders, and a pair of dark skinny jeans. The bodyguard in Minseok's memory always wear his formal black suits along with the pairs of sunglasses that he seems to never take them off. As a result, seeing Lu Han in his casual, everyday clothes is a completely new experience for Minseok. 

It's not like he's complaining, though. Minseok knows Lu Han is a security guard, but he also doesn't expect the man to have a figure for it. Slightly taller than him with strong arm and board shoulders, truth be told it's hard for Minseok to steal his eyes away from the fine body he catches himself staring at.

"So on my way up here I thought about biometric door lock, the one that you can only open using your own fingerprints. I know it can be a little too pricey but trust me, that kind of lock is the most secure one right now." - Lu Han says while still trying to catch his breath, probably the result of him running up the stairs as fast as he could.

The gravure idol can feel his face burning up because of the embarrassment again. The more the bodyguard shows his concern for him, the more he feels like he's not worth all the attention.

"Also I tried to look up but apparently I can't get that lock for you right now, so I guess you must wait till the morning to actually have it installed. I'm sorry, Minseok." - The man apologetically says, but of course Minseok can't blame Lu Han one bit.

The fact that he tried to run here even though it's already past midnight is enough to make Minseok's heart melt.

"It's totally fine, Lu Han." - He smiles before pointing toward his sofa - "Just rest a bit, you look out of breath."

While waiting for the man to regain his energy, Minseok busily walks back and forth between the kitchen and the living room to serve the bodyguard his homemade cookies and a cup of freshly brewed coffee. He doesn't often have visitors over but still clearly remember how to make his guest feel comfortable.

"So you think that the stalker and the intruder are just one person?" - Lu Han asks while taking a bite out of the biscuits Minseok placed in front of him.

"I guess so. I mean I just saw the back of him but I'm sure he's also the same stalker that has been following me for weeks." - He replies, with assertion in the mind.

"Why don't you tell the polices this?" - The bodyguard voices out the question that has been bothering his mind.

"I tried to several times in the past, but you know, I can't see the face of the man and also don't have an actual proof of him stalking me so those attempts just go to waste." - Minseok lets out a huge sigh, remembering the struggle he had with the local cops while trying to convince them it's not him being overly paranoid.

'But this time you do have evidence of the man breaking into the house, so why don't you call the polices. Why trusting me this much?" - The bodyguard raises his eyebrow in amusement.

"I... I don't know" - Minseok bashfully replies, head hanging low to hide his reddened face. - "I just remembered I have your phone number and the next thing I know, I already send a text to you."

That's definitely not a lie though.

"Also... I know this may sound rude but I just wonder, if you can stay the night at my place tonight. I understand that you can't buy or install that fingerprints lock until it's morning and I'm really afraid the stalker may come back. So... can you stay?" - The gravure idol mumbles with a voice so soft and timid, it takes Lu Han several seconds to actually process what the petite man just asked him to do.

And when the message is clear, the bodyguard can't help but feel butterflies in his stomach flapping with rapid speed, and a pinkish red glow starts blossoming on his handsome face.

"Sure. Of course." - Lu Han immediately answers, voice stutters a little due to his sudden nervousness.

"Then... I'm glad." - Minseok says, still keeping his gaze fixed at the wooden floor under his feet. He's still extremely embarrassed, but also a small part of him is secretly glad Lu Han didn't say no.

Worrying the stalker may come back and intrude into his house again, Minseok knows too well only the presence of Lu Han - his ex-bodyguard - can put his anxious thoughts at ease and maybe, for the first time ever, he can even sleep well without waking up several times at night.

Lu Han is like his anchor, and that's definitely not an overstatement.


End file.
